


Bodyguard of Lies

by aleksa_grey



Series: Long Into An Abyss [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angry Clarke, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Clexa, College, Drama & Romance, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Game of Thrones References, Jealous Clarke, Past Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Recovered Memories, Reincarnation, Sad Lexa, Sequel, Soulmates, everyone is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-10-13 10:35:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleksa_grey/pseuds/aleksa_grey
Summary: Clarke remembers and things get heated. Angst follows. Clarke is angry a lot and Lexa, well Lexa seems to be doing shit wrong. Their worlds are turned upside down when Clarke sees Anya and finally remembers and then that triggers everyone's memory. Can they last long enough for everyone to explain?Read part 1 "Her Eyes Don't Remember" to understand this better.





	1. Wanheda Returns

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST chapter is really short.
> 
> Clarke is angry asf. Oh gosh, it's not even fair that I'm doing this to the poor girl.  
> Guest mentions of two of your favourite (not) exes.

**“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”  
― Friedrich Nietzsche**

 

Clarke saw red. She knew she had fainted, but that Lexa had caught her. Her jaw hurt from being punched by Anya. She had heard all their phones going off, and she felt herself moving but was unable to call out. Everything was a shade of red and black. Then there was a woman.

She was beautiful, all pale skin, high cheekbones, long reddish-brown hair and medieval red dress. The bodice was really flattering as it accentuated her cleavage then widened to hang from her also covered hips. It hid Clarke thought, equally pale legs. She wore a gaudy ancient looking piece of jewelry around her neck which emphasized the pale skin of her neck. Her eyes were not welcoming, and as proud black eyes stared at Clarke, she felt herself drowning and utterly confused.

The woman advanced on her and when Clarke could move back no further, she remembered having Lexa in this very same position once. She had needed Lexa to confront her feelings so as to not kill Octavia. Shit! Octavia and Raven had originally been her friends not Lexa’s. This reincarnation thing was confusing.

Lexa had given the profoundest confession that day— _not everyone, not you_ — and Clarke had been shocked. Clarke tried to focus on this woman in front of her, but the memories were too much.

 _Her dad floated_ (she was going to kill her mom when she woke up).

 _Being locked up and sent to the ground_ (she was going to kill her mom when she woke up).

 _Bellamy_ (where the hell was Bellamy?)

 _Finn, she had killed Finn_ (shit, she’d dated Finn, Finn was alive).

 _Octavia and Lincoln_ (Oh my god, Lincoln was Lexa’s dad now though—ewww).

 _Lexa had told her about Costia. A Costia that in this world never remembered Lexa and had thouroughly defiled Clarke over and over_ (yep, she needed to tell Lexa).

 _The mountain, those people_ (Clarke felt herself crying).

 _Sweet Aden who adored Commander Lexa_ (alright Aden, I get you being drawn to her now).

_Lexa had died, then— oh god, of course Clarke had made herself the martyr and hustled and guilt-tripped Titus into fixing the situation for his Heda. She had cried over Lexa, begging and pleading while he chanted and burned incense and spoke Trigedeslang in quick intonations._

_The smoke from the air had made her feel hot and sticky and claustrophobic but she couldn’t have moved without knowing that Lexa was okay. Then there was nothing, and she’d woken up in the City of Light, gone through a safe in the wall— obviously that was logical to her mind— and saved everyone_ (okay Lexa had not been crazy when she ‘d said Clarke had died).

_Becca, the first Commander, ALIE, the threat, Murphy, who had helped even though the world pegged him as a bad seed, and then here. This was where she was now._

“Wanheda,” the word was a whisper from the woman’s tongue and Clarke’s eyes snapped up to hers as the memories plagued her and she saw red once again.

 

//  
Lexa carried Clarke to her car, placed her in the backseat and sped off the campus. She messed up. Anya had hit Clarke and now she was out cold. Aden was supposed to follow her in the SUV and instead of answering all their friends one by one, Aden had sent a group text for them to all meet at Lexa and Clarke’s apartment in an hour.

Lexa needed to wake Clarke up, and then call their parents. Anya was going to finish her shift and meet them as well. Lexa had only exchanged numbers and given her their address, after Anya had sworn not to hit Clarke again. The drive back took five minutes and Lexa was glad Clarke couldn’t protest her speeding.

Lexa waited in front of the building for Aden to pull up and then she allowed him to carry Clarke inside and deposit her in their room. The couch was closer, but leaving her there and then moving her when their friends got there if she didn’t wake by then was pointless.

Lexa reached for her phone just as it rang and she swore under her breath to see MOM pop up on the screen.

“He—yy mom,” Lexa answered, realizing her voice was a shaky mess.

“You knew,” it wasn’t a question and Lexa sighed not bothering with a response.

“I can feel it. It is different, but we’re still—”

“—connected,” Lexa finished for her.

Of course they were connected. Becca Pramheda had been the first Commander and Lexa had been the last. It was ironic but not coincidental that in this new reality, Becca was her mom. After all she was Becca’s descendant.

The connection wasn’t overt, nor was it a voice, but she felt the emotions of her mom like a tingling in her chest. There was a burst of emotion then, a strike of worry seeping into her chest, and Lexa wondered if she was going to have a heart attack.

“Mom calm down,” she tried, but it didn’t work and she felt her lungs tighten and ache.

She needed to calm Becca down and she took a deep breath before speaking a language that had never before left her reincarnated lips.

“Yu gonplei nou ste odon,”

It wasn’t immediate, but Lexa kept whispering the words, _your fight is not over_ , in her native tongue Trigedeslang, over and over. She heard her mom’s breathing steady and felt her own ease, meaning her mom was calming down. There was a beat of silence, then—

“Lincoln and Octavia were in love,” Becca whispered, and Lexa dragged a breath at her mom’s words.

“How do you know?” Lexa asked, because Becca Pramheda had died long before she or Lincoln or Octavia were born.

“Your past thoughts and mine are the same. I don’t have your thoughts now, but those from when you were the Commander are very much real,”

Lexa felt her heart break. She hoped Lincoln and Octavia didn’t choose to pursue this now. Things were different. No Octavia wasn’t a minor, but it would break her mom and her, though she wouldn’t stand in their way.

“Things are different now mom. They wouldn’t,” and Lexa hoped she was right as the words left her mouth.

They talked for a little while longer before her mom told her that her dad was calling and she’d talk to her later.

/  
Aden was standing at the doorway and Lexa looked up at him briefly, before getting up from beside Clarke and following him back into the living room.

“My parents just called” he started and threw himself on the couch sighing loudly.

“I don't think they remember me Lexa. They asked about Clarke and told me to keep her safe, but I doubt they remember me,” he put his head in his hands and sighed again.

Lexa didn't know what to do or say really, but she didn't want Aden to be hurting. Moving to the couch she threw her arms around him.

“They're processing. Everything will be fine” she said trying to soothe him as he melted into her arms.

There was a faint sniffling and Lexa felt the wetness on her shirt and just held him, allowing him to cry. She knew that Aden knew he wasn’t the Griffin’s original child, because he remembered the past long before they did, but she also knew that now that was all he knew and he felt he may lose it. Normally Aden had been hers and Clarke's anchor before everyone remembered and now that was her duty it seemed.

Lexa didn't know how much time had passed. She heard her phone go off a couple of times and prayed none of those missed calls or texts were from Abby, because the woman had despised her in post-apocalyptic time. If Anya was anything to go by, Lexa figured that Abby may also try to punch her.

She felt Aden shuffle and he pulled away from her. She watched him quietly and saw the emotions flit across his face.

“Forgive me Heda. I should have shown more strength,”

For the second time that day Lexa’s heart broke. Here was this amazing young man who expected to be told that his parents forgot him and his concern was how she viewed him. Had she been such a harsh leader. Sigh.

“No Aden. We are not those people anymore. Feeling is not weakness. Love is not weakness,” and she reached for him holding him once again because how could she not feel for her soon to be brother. Hopefully Clarke didn't kill her first.

 

//  
Clarke felt softness beneath her. She was cocooned and she felt warm. She was in pain. Her jaw felt bruised and the pain emanating from it was a lot. At least Anya hadn't punched her in the nose. Clarke turned slightly restricted by her cocoon and opened her eyes to find complete darkness.

She made out the blinking light from a phone and realized the blinds were drawn and she indeed was awake. She didn't know how long she’d been out and she removed the sheet from her body recognizing it as the cocoon from earlier and reached for her phone.

There were over thirty texts from Raven and Octavia and a few from Monty and Jasper. She saw the group text Aden had sent and looking at the time she realized everyone would be here in about 15 minutes.

She had three missed calls from her dad and two from her mom. There was a call from a number she didn't recognize, but the area code she recognized it as LA. When she listened to the voice message left she couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes.

_Princess. I’m sorry. Please forgive me for making you do that. Shit. I was terrible. I remember us. The real us, not that shit relationship we tried out in high school. Call me back princess. I wanna see you. I love you._

Finn.

His voice washed over her and the tears came in abundance. Finn was asking her to forgive him for her killing him. Oh god. This was too much and she flung the phone into the pillows and headed in search of Lexa. She heard voices when she got to the open door of the room and paused.

Lexa and Aden were talking. Aden had talked to mom and dad. Shit, she hadn't even thought about that. She didn't have a brother before. God she hopes her mom didn't say anything too bad. Abby could be a bit brash and with everything that she would have to explain to dad, Clarke prays they weren’t harsh with Aden.

She decides to stop eavesdropping in her own house and make herself known. She pushes through the door and heads to the living room, and what she sees stops her dead in her tracks.

Lexa’s arms are wrapped tight around Aden and his head is pressed into her shoulder. His body is shaking and she’s whispering to him. The sight takes her breath away. Lexa was being so sweet and Aden, was just a big lug of teddy bear.

She clears her throat and watches as they shift apart not necessarily jumping, but the movement nonetheless is abrupt. Clarke shakes her head as they both rush over to her. Aden is gripping her tightly and Lexa is staring at her as if she paint the stars in the sky just by being awake.

“Please don't leave me,” Aden whispers against her cheek and she grips him tighter. She is desperate to make him see that she would never abandon him no matter what her memories said.

“You're my brother A. Always,” and she feels him grip her tighter and she allows herself to be held noticing as Lexa nods her head.

They break apart and Clarke immediately finds Lexa’s arms. Her Lexa. Her commander, betrayal, fealty and all. She loves her and as she inhales her scent and thanks the gods whoever they may be for her, Clarke knows that she has to come clean to Lexa.

“Babe,” Clarke tries to get Lexa’s attention, but the brunette is focused on nuzzling her hair.

“Lexa” Clarke prods again and this time she pulls back slightly.

“Sha hodness,” Lexa responds and Clarke almost loses her footing. She hadn’t heard those words in so long, but they still made her weak.

“finncalledmeandIdatedCostia” she blurts out before she loses her confidence.

Lexa pulls back because Clarke said something. She never heard properly, so she needs to confirm.

“Come again” Lexa responds to Clarke's rambling and Clarke sighs loudly.

“Back in LA I dated Finn and Costia. Not at the same time though of course. Finn left me a voice message. I saw it when I was checking my phone right before I came out here to you guys,” Clarke explains and never takes her eyes off Lexa.

“Did Costia call u too?” Lexa asks and honestly that wasn't the response Clarke had expected.

She takes a breath before responding and notices how Aden looks away from them.

“No. Past her never met me so she wouldn't,” Clarke answers still trying to gauge Lexa’s emotions about the whole thing and she can’t.

If Lexa left her for Costia, she’d be fucked.

 

//  
Costia was alive. She needed to apologize to her. It had been Lexa’s fault Costia had been taken by the Ice Nation and tortured then killed. Like an anvil, Lexa felt the guilt of the past slam into her. But Costia was alive. She was given a second chance and Lexa could make amends for not caring for Costia as well as she should have in the past.

She needed to find a way to make amends. To apologize. To do the right thing. Lexa didn’t see the worry on Clarke's face. She didn’t see the unsure nature of her expressions or the slump of Clarke's shoulders.

“I need her number,” Lexa said and watched Clarke's face mirror confused then worried then sad then pissed.

“Like hell you do Lexa!” Clarke spat and Lexa took a step back.

“Klark. Hodness. It's not what you think”

“Not what I—” the sound of a knock at the door cut Clarke off and she silenced.

It was as if the words were stuck in her throat. She wanted to scream at Lexa but she didn't have the energy. Lexa had left her sleeping to go find Anya, and after her memories came back she could understand why Lexa would’ve rushed to see Anya. This was her ex though and Clarke was pissed because Lexa actively wanted to seek out Costia.

Lexa hadn’t even commented on the fact that fuckboy Finn who Lexa had made Clarke kill just so he wouldn’t be tortured had called. It seemed that no matter the universe or reality Lexa existed in that she always chose her people. Head over heart. Love is weakness she always said.

Clarke whirled away from piercing green eyes and headed back to the bedroom ignoring Lexa calling after her and the sounds of Aden and their friends she now realized talking in the living room she had just vacated. She grabbed her phone and after finding the number she was looking for scribbled it on a piece of paper. Storming out of the room Clarke grabbed her keys and headed for the door.

“Clarke!” Lexa shouted and grabbed her arm before she could open the front door.

“Let me go” Clarke growled and Lexa dropped her hand as if burned and backed away from the blonde.

Clarke bolted through the door before turning around and flinging the paper with Costia’s number at Lexa.

“I hope you guys have a good laugh about fucking the same girl!” Clarke lashed out and then she was in the vehicle driving away.


	2. This is Not A Chapter

So I was writing the second chapter because your comments so far have been real encouraging, but then I heard about Amy Bleuel and had to stop.

For those of you who don't know, Amy Bleuel was the founder of the Semicolon Project.

(see story here...   https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/founder-of-tattoo-revolution-project-semicolon-dies-at-age-31-205548467.html)

She committed suicide and it makes me wonder if the person who founded this great big leap of inspiration for so many worldwide couldn't do it anymore, how the fuck am I supposed to?

I got my semicolon tat last year August. It's my first ink and I love it. It's on my wrist so I have to cover it for work, but damn if it's not one of the best things I've done.

I may not have known Any Bleuel or even been to any Semicolon Project functions, but I relate so much to the cause it aches.

So, in the middle of typing up chapter two for the fic I broke down for a stranger that didn't feel so strange to me, because aren't we all strangers just seeking some sort of connection.

Anyway the chapter may be late.

Sorry.


	3. I'm sorry. I never meant to turn you into this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of everybody.
> 
> Okay to clear stuff up—Yes Clarke slept with Costia when she was back in L.A. She also had a thing with Finn. She didn’t remember guys. Read part 1 "Her Eyes Don't Remember" in order to understand better. Clarke and Lexa DO NOT break up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me life guys. This fandom is beautiful and I appreciate being a part of it. Thank you.  
> Sorry for my ranting last night, I ended up finishing the chapter today at work so here you lovelies are.

**“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”  
― Friedrich Nietzsche**

 

What the hell had just happened Lexa thought. She stood rooted in the driveway as she watched Clarke’s vehicle disappear at the end of the street. The university was about two hours away from their home in Forks and while hated Clarke for storming out and driving in this condition, she did the more responsible thing and decided to call Jake and tell him to expect her.

The phone rang twice and Lexa released a breath when Jake answered.

“Hello Lexa,” Jake’s voice had none of his normal playful tone and Lexa cringed. Obviously he and Abby had talked.

“Clarke left. She’s headed home. Watch out for her yeah,” Lexa rambled quickly and was ready to hang up the phone when Jake sighed loudly. There was a long pause of silence between them and Lexa waited.

This must have been hurting Jake immensely. He hadn’t even been on the ground. Everything was more of a shock to him than Clarke, Aden, Anya and maybe even Abby. Oh shit, Abby was going to kill her. Obviously the bad memories came back first. Obviously the anger swelled up first and coated the happiness that the ground had held. Obviously she needed to talk to Abby, well, she needed to talk to everybody.

“I died you know,” Jake’s voice came from the other end of the call and Lexa was brought out of her head.

“Yeah, Cl— I know,” Lexa said.

She had wanted to tell him how Clarke had told her, but she didn’t want to add salt to an already open and albeit confusing emotional wound. Lexa also knew it had been Abby’s fault why Jake had been floated and her heart hurt for Jake and Abby, because how does one reconcile something that devious. How does one get over the betrayal by someone they love?

She remembered Clarke then. She’d left Clarke at the mountain. She’d left the girl she loved to fight by herself for the ‘greater good.’ Wasn’t it the same thing that Abby did? Didn’t Clarke forgive Lexa eventually even though she never believed she deserved it or even believed at the time that she did anything wrong. Jake would forgive Abby.

Clarke was more like him than her mother, hence she must have gotten it from somewhere. That air of love and kindness and forgiveness. The dynamics were quite ironic. Lexa was like Abby. The Abby who in the past had not trusted her for good reason too, and Clarke, was the image of Jake. Jake was hurting now, but he would forgive them in time.

“Did you blame Clarke?” the question was a whisper and Lexa almost missed it.

“No,” Lexa responded without even having to think about it.

It was the most confident Lexa could be at the moment without her voice shaking. Even when she had felt the Commander’s spirit leaving her, she had never blamed Clarke for her dying. She hadn’t even blamed Titus. It could be that she had known she would die someday, but no, she could never have blamed Clarke.

“I figured,” Jake said with a chuckle.

It wasn’t a happy sound. It sound resigned and tired, like he hadn’t expected Lexa to say anything else. There was silence again and Lexa didn’t break it. She waited. She knew Jake was in need of the silent solidarity. He was after all an engineer. He needed to process.

“I have a son Lexa and he looks like me,” Jake started speaking again.

“Well technically he looks like Clarke,” Lexa quipped, and the sound Jake made was full and loud causing Lexa to smile.

She hadn’t meant to make a joke knowing the precarious nature of things at the moment, but she couldn’t have resisted the jibe. That it made Jake actually laugh was an awesome by-product of her almost tactless response.

“You should call him,” Lexa continued when Jake stopped laughing, “he thinks—”

Lexa paused, because she really didn’t know if it was her place to tell Jake how Aden felt. Technically he was their son now, but before, he had been hers to protect. He had been her people and sharing his feelings, betraying his trust like this was not what she wanted to do.

Lexa thought about it deliberately, and decided she wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. They were all her people. Even then they were her people for they had landed on the ground. She only wished she had known this then, so she took a breath and continued speaking.

“He thinks you may not want him again Jake,”

The silence from the other end of the line was heavy and once again Lexa waited. It was difficult being on the other end of this unknown. She knew that Jake was dealing with a lot, but she had needed him to know that Aden needed him. He may not have had a son on the Ark, but he did now.

“He’s a Griffin,” Jake’s words echoed and Lexa nodded. After realizing Jake couldn’t see her, she responded.

“Tell him Jake, tell him,”

Their conversation ended not long after, with Jake agreeing to let her know when Clarke showed up and Lexa telling him that she had to go talk to a lot of other people who now remembered their past.

Lexa breathed deeply as she pocketed her phone. She wanted to call Clarke and find out if she was okay, but she knew the blonde wasn’t going to answer. She stepped into the house, allowing the front door to slam behind her and walked into the living room to see Raven, Octavia, Monty and Jasper accosting Aden.

All ten pairs of eyes turned on her then and Lexa massaged her forehead before looking back at them. Aden looked relieved to see her like they had been threatening the shit out of him. Raven and Octavia looked pissed and their glares were anything but welcoming and Monty and Jasper just looked at her expectantly.

“How could you keep this from us?” Raven started stepping towards Lexa.

“Like what the fuck Lexa!” Octavia exclaimed immediately and Lexa just looked on not knowing how to explain or what to say.

As Lexa was about to try and say anything to make the situation better, everything went haywire then. The front door opened and in walked Anya and Indra. Lexa’s mind was processing nothing but the fact that Indra was here.

Indra looked younger though, as if more their age. She had no scars on her from battle, and she seemed less hard in appearance. Indra’s swarthy complexion was a stark contrast to Anya’s pallid skin, and she just stood unmoving trying to take in every detail of her friends. Friends she had thought she would never see again. Her general was alive and with her mentor. She wondered if in this life they were an item and the thought brought a slight smile to her lips.

She didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. Raven lunged at Indra and Octavia dove in front of her to block Indra so that Raven wouldn’t hit her. Apparently Anya thought Raven and Octavia were both attempting to attack Indra and she knocked them flat on their asses in a matter a seconds. Her left foot was crushing Raven’s throat and her eyes were glaring at Octavia daring her to move.

“No!”

The word ripped from Lexa’s throat sounding more like a howl than English. She reacted then, grabbing Anya and shoving her back towards Indra, whose mouth was open and just gaping at Octavia.

“Okteivia,”

Everyone looked towards the voice and turned to Indra realizing it was she who had spoken. Octavia nodded and then she was lifting herself off the ground before she pushed Anya aside and leaped into Indra’s arms.

Lexa watched as her former General though initially thrown a bit off balance by the force of Octavia’s body, quickly enveloped the girl in a tight hug. Anya scoffed loudly and stormed off, followed by a quickly disgruntled Raven and the boys in the room just shrugged and sat down in the couch.

The reunion was going better than Lexa expected and she knew she’d have to get them to talk and well talk to them herself too, but for right now she decided that she’d let them be. She wondered why Raven was more pissed than Octavia and she wondered how Jasper wasn’t sad because well, in the past Maya had died in that mountain because of Clarke, well no, because of her.

“Guys,” Lexa started to speak, waiting for everyone to get back in the room and she watched as Anya silently strode forward and Raven grumpily returned to the living room.

“We need to talk about all of this,” and Lexa said the words waving her hands at each of them.

“Did you know all this time?” Octavia asked and Lexa knew it was meant for her.

“Yes,” Lexa replied.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Raven blurt out angrily and Lexa sighed.

“What was I to say Raven? How would it look? Would you really have believed me?” Lexa asked and she saw Raven look away biting her lip.

“I remembered when I bumped into Lexa that first day and then had a weird ass dream that night,” Aden volunteered and everyone looked at him like he was crazy.

“What!? You knew too!” Raven huffed and plopped down in the couch almost on top of Monty who scooted away closer to Jasper.

“So how come the rest of us didn’t remember? What changed?” Octavia asked and Lexa looked at her pensively. She was being extremely level-headed and Lexa frowned.

“Oh I can answer that!” Anya spoke up, “Blondie nearly killed me at the coffee shop and then I remembered and I think that triggered everyone else, because well all our phones were going off so yeah,”

“Where is Clarke by the way?” it was Monty who asked the question and Lexa tried not to glare at him.

“She’ll be back in a bit,” Lexa answered.

She wasn’t prepared to tell them about the fight, if it could really be called that. All Clarke did was shout at her, not let her explain and storm away leaving. Lexa could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on and she cursed under her breath.

Instead of focusing on her own pain, Lexa decided to tell them everything. She told Anya how she and Clarke had formed a sort of partnership and she’d grown to love her and Titus’ reaction. She told everyone about the gun. Her dying. Clarke in pain. Her waking up and seeing Clarke with the bullet wound instead. How Titus told her Clarke made him do it as penance for trying to harm her in the first place.

She told them how she’d reached out to the anything that would listen. How she’d bawled and screamed to the heavens. How she saw red and then how she’d woken up one day in her body, but different. She told them of memories of a childhood she knows she didn’t live, but apparently had. She told them how the first Commander Becca was her mom and Lincoln was her dad. She watched Octavia’s expression when she said Lincoln’s name, but there was nothing.

She told them how Raven and Octavia were there but didn’t seem to have the same recollections as her so she didn’t say anything because that would’ve been crazy. She told them how she didn’t date because she knew deep down that the reason for her second chance was to meet Clarke again.

She told them when she did find Clarke again that third day of senior year how she’d slipped and mentioned Clarke’s death and the blonde had thought she was in fact mental. Lexa spoke of how Aden had called her Heda saying he remembered, giving her hope for Clarke remembering even if the girl did seem to hate her. She told them how they couldn’t stay away from each other though, and how Clarke often had nightmares of the past, but thought it was all a dream.

She told them how Aden lured her out to the coffee shop with a picture of Anya and that’s why she was at the coffee shop earlier. She told them how Clarke was pissed and so that’s how she and Anya ended up tangled on the floor because they ran into each other.

She told them how when Clarke looked at Anya it was as if things finally fit and she remembered and then Anya had punched Clarke because of course Clarke _burned three hundred of their warriors_. Lexa watched as Anya smirked at the memory of punching Clarke and Lexa glared at Anya till she sobered a bit, looking a little guilty.

They all looked at her with rapt attention and wide eyes as she spoke and then there was silence. Everyone stared at each other seemingly not knowing what to say. It was Raven who broke the silence.

“Shit! Okay no, we wouldn’t have believed that sorcery!” and the entire group started laughing.

“Where is blondie by the way?” Anya asked pinning Lexa with a stare, but before she could answer, Jasper spoke up.

“Do you think Maya is out there?”

The whole group was stunned into silence for though many of them hadn’t met Maya in person, except Clarke and Monty, they knew the boy had been seriously tormented by her death.

“We’ll find out won’t we,” Indra replied and nodded at Jasper.

Trying to not let the conversation drift back to the subject of Clarke, Lexa turned to Anya wanting to know about how she and Indra were here.

“So you and Indra?” Lexa asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

She noticed how Octavia bristled at her question and stood more protectively in front of Indra and Anya all but burst out laughing, holding her stomach.

“Indra is my sister you perv,” Anya responded and Lexa noticed Indra silently chuckling and saw as Octavia relaxed her stance.

“You’re not going to like who our adoptive father is though,” Indra added and Lexa looked keenly from her to Anya.

Anya finally let out a sigh and responded, “Roan,”

Lexa felt her face drop. If Roan was here that meant Nia— her thoughts were cut off before she could think of all the dread that Nia being here would cause.

“Nia is still dead Lexa,” Indra quickly spoke up.

Lexa loudly breathed out and decided that at least her worst enemy still had been taken care of. She listened to Anya and Indra speak of their childhood. How Roan was actually not bad and Nia had been a good grandmother, gifting them with clothes and books, but not toys though, ‘because girls needed to be proper’.

She listened to them tell of their coming out story and how Nia had loudly exclaimed that she didn’t mean they were supposed to give up on all toys and how Roan had laughed at his mother’s words with a red face. She listened to them tell her how the funeral for their eighty year old grandmother was beautiful and that she had died in her sleep one night after the new year two years ago. Lexa listened to them talk and she felt happiness for her friends, for they had gotten to know a kind version of Nia and been given a good family even if now their memories said otherwise.

The stories Monty and Jasper told were similar to Anya and Indra’s with good experiences of their current lives and how they would never give it up to go back to the past. They were glad they had all met before, but they claimed that obviously they would have met no matter what the reality and this, all of them being here, was proof of that.

Lexa listened to her friends and felt a sadness wash over her because Clarke was absent. Clarke chose to leave her. Her memories had come back and just as how Anya’s and Raven’s were bad memories initially maybe Clarke had realized that the good times she had with Lexa couldn’t forgive the bad memories. The more Lexa thought about it and Clarke’s possible reason for reacting as she did and leaving the more she hurt.

She saw Aden smile down at his phone and she looked at him till he passed it over.

 **Dad:** You’re a Griffin Aden no matter what. I’ll see you soon.

 **Mom** : We’re waiting on Clarke to calm down, tell Lexa she just got here, and then we’re headed out there with her parents too. Love you.

Lexa gave Aden back his phone and smiled reassuringly at him. At least the Griffins had reached out to him. A text was kind of a weird way to do that, but she figured they were headed here either later tonight or tomorrow so they would get the chance to hash everything out face to face anyway.

“So how is it going to work with you and Lincoln O?” Raven asked the question Lexa had been afraid of touching.

“Well obviously I remember. I don’t wanna bone him though because obviously he’s married and old and Lexa’s present dad which is weird enough and Becca scares the shit out of me. If he were our age though and not married I would break up that shit immediately!” Octavia responded all in one breath.

Now Octavia was gulping for air, with Indra rubbing small circles into her back. Lexa watched them curiously and opted not to say anything just yet, or call attention to their behavior, for it seemed more reflexive and subconscious than anything else.

Raven seemed okay with that answer, for she didn’t say anything else and their eyes left Octavia. Lexa thanked the gods that Octavia wouldn’t pursue her dad because that would mean her mom getting hurt and her taking sides and that would have been difficult.

“Guess that leaves me and you then sexy,” Raven said and winked at Anya.

Anya all but scoffed out loud before glaring at Raven, “you couldn’t handle me Freshman”

“We’re only Sophomores Anya,” Indra responded laughing when Anya glared at her instead.

“Seriously though, where is blondie Lexa?” Anya asked trying to get the attention off her.

Lexa sighed heavily and decided that she’d have to tell them eventually and now was as a good a time as any. She relayed the conversation play by play to them and waited.

“Idiot!” Anya spat at her and Lexa could only stare blankly.

“Shit! Clarke slept with your past life ex and you slept with Costia’s present life ex,” Raven shouted and laughed so hard she was in a ball on the floor.

Lexa could see Octavia, Monty and Jasper trying not to laugh. Aden just looked uncertainly around the room because he remembered Lexa with Costia, but Clarke was his sister and with her Lexa had been different. Indra and Anya looked upset though.

“She thinks you want to get back with Costia,” Anya said and Lexa balked.

“What. No— that’s not what I was saying. Shit— I want to apologize to Costia for letting her die. Fuck,” Lexa tried to explain, but couldn’t find the right words.

Her head was pounding now and she massaged her temples trying to take everything in. Shit, it did make sense. Lexa leaving to go see Anya, a strange but new girl at the time, Clarke had been jealous. Clarke was only being truthful about her past because it related to Lexa’s past and instead of listening, Lexa had latched onto the girl in that situation again. Clarke thought she was going to leave. Clarke thought she wanted Costia back. Clarke. Shit.

“Lexa, there is something you need to know,” Indra spoke up, finally removing herself from behind Octavia.

“What?” Lexa asked weakly. This was too much.

“Costia is here at Polis,” Indra finished.

All eyes were on Lexa now and if she had said things were too much before she was wrong. This was it, this was what was too much, and the straw that breaks the camel’s back was this information.

She needed to talk to C—


	4. Because I’m a Crazy Person Who Shouts at My Girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke arrives back home. Abby is actually not the devil. Wanheda gets knocked the eff out with some sense. Tears everywhere!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m NOT making Costia into a bitch. I’m NOT killing Jake. Clarke/Lexa are always endgame.  
> Your comments are pretty rad thanks. Keep 'em coming!

**When I end up yelling, it's not really deliberate. It's usually out of some moment of passion or frustration or real desire to get unstuck.  
** **—Christine Quinn**

 

As Clarke drove she cursed at herself. She slowed down as she exited the highway and was now only ten minutes away from her home. It was funny how just a year ago moving here had been unacceptable and she would have never considered it home. Now though, as she ran away from Lexa she could think of no other place to go.

Why was she running away from Lexa? The question stung in the back of her mind and Clarke shook her head to clear the tears she didn’t realize were burning her eyes and almost ran off the road. She could see her house as she righted the van and easily pulled into the driveway parking.

Her parents probably weren’t home though their cars were probably just in the garage. Clarke sighed and rested her head not so gently on the steering wheel. She didn’t even know why she was so angry at Lexa. Okay yes she did. She was an irrationally jealous and angry person when it came to Lexa.

They had just started their lives together and then these stupid memories came flooding back and of course Lexa’s mind was preoccupied with everything else around her. Lexa always had to take care of her people and of course she would remember Costia as her people and not Clarke. That thought alone had made Clarke mad because god how could she fault Lexa for being so honorable and loyal all the time.

So she had stormed out. Just like she had overreacted about Anya because she didn’t allow Lexa to talk, and once again she had done just that. She had let her emotions get the better of her and she had been mean and bitter and selfish. She had lashed out because it was easier than facing the fact that there was a part of her life that she’d forgotten.

She had forgotten her friends. Her father’s death, her mother’s bitterness, Wells, Bellamy and god she had forgotten Lexa. Lexa who even across timelines did not forget her. Lexa who had waited for her. Who had never dated because she had held out hope for Clarke. Clarke who had screamed at her innocent girlfriend and run off for the simple reason that she was afraid.

She had been afraid to confront what Lexa could have possibly wanted to contact Costia for. Clarke like her past self after the Mountain who had left camp had once again left. This time though, instead of leaving her people from the Ark she had left Lexa. She left the love of her life, apparently from across time and realities, standing in the front of their new apartment on moving in day.

She grabbed her phone from the front cup holder, unlocked it and paused over Lexa’s name. She wanted to press call. She wanted desperately to hear the silk of Lexa’s voice swirl in her ear and furl across her skin sparking goosebumps. She wished for the low timbre with which the brunette called her name and made her feel like the—

Shit! Clarke had messed up. Lexa had been here all alone for years. Yes she was surrounded by Raven, Octavia and Lincoln, but they had played different roles and they hadn’t remembered. Lexa had been all alone with memories of so many things that she couldn’t talk about and now that Clarke had obviously caused a domino effect on everyone’s memories, she’d left.

Banging her head against the steering wheel again Clarke dropped her phone onto the passenger seat and her head accidentally pressed the horn. She jumped and hit her head in the roof swearing as her hands came up to cling at her head. Clarke exited the van allowing the door to slam and walked up to the front door. As she pushed her key in, the door flung open and the sight of her mom standing there broke her heart.

Clarke fell forward into her mom’s arms and the tears came like a tsunami. Her body shook and she felt her mom’s arms squeezing her. She heard the door close and all Clarke could do was cry. The tears came and her emotions with it and so she cried.

Clarke cried because she remembered all the bad things that happened to her on the Ark. She remembered landing on the ground. The fear. The violence. The uncertainty. Wells dying. The delinquents dying. Grounders dying. Finding out that Finn was with Raven after she had crash landed on Earth. Finn killing those innocent grounders. Lexa requiring revenge— _jus drein jus daun_ —Clarke stabbing Finn.

Oh god Clarke had personally killed Finn. The boy she claimed she’d loved. The boy with the floppy hair and stupidly charming smile. She had killed him to save him. The irony was not lost on her and she bawled even more, not even realizing that she was in the couch now clinging to her mom for support. She was actually supposed to be angry at her mom, but right now Clarke was just glad she was here. She was glad she was with someone who had been there; on the ground.

“I love her mom,”

Clarke said the words and the tears which had never stopped came pouring out of her again. She felt broken. The hurt pillaging her veins and burning deep inside her lungs. She cried because she loved Lexa as if she were a part of her soul, her psyche, her being, and she had hurt this semblance of herself.

“I know hunny,” her mom replied and the arms which wrapped around her never felt foreign or hated. There was no animosity between her and Abby now and she sighed with the realization. Her violent sobs becoming silent shaking and sniffles. The hand rubbing circles on her back never stopped or slowed down and Clarke was grateful her mom had been on earth with her regardless of if they never got along initially.

“I messed up mom,” Clarke started speaking again and she had to prevent herself from crying all over again.

 

//  
All Abby did was nod at Clarke, watching her daughter scoot back on the couch. Abby waited silently for Clarke to continue. If it was one thing she knew about her daughter it was never to push her. If only she’d known that when they were going through an apocalypse things would have been different. She knew now though and Abby was going to pull out all the stops to make things right this time around.

She had been surprised when Jake had called after their fight and him storming out of the house. She was glad though. He hadn’t sounded as mad and when he told her to look out for Clarke she was glad she hadn’t gone into work today.

Initially it was supposed to be because they were going to help the girls move in. That had been derailed though when each girl loudly stated that they didn’t have a lot of stuff and their two vehicles were enough and that Aden was by far the strongest of them. With that consensus, Abby, Jake, Becca and Lincoln had decided to let their children be the adults they would have to be at college by themselves.

It was funny Abby thought as she waited for Clarke to continue that even though Aden was not originally a part of their family he was the one most like her. Wanting to go into medicine, logical and morally understanding to a fault. This did not however prevent him from always siding with Clarke just because they were twins and Abby smiled because she was glad he was a part of the family.

She heard the door open and looked up to see Jake walking into the house. He had hot fudge ice cream in his hand and Abby smiled at him as Clarke jumped up to hug him. Her family was going to be okay she figured. She sent off a text to Aden, for she needed him to know that they all would be okay, him included.

Jake took a seat next to her and when Clarke finally sat back down, they listened to her tell them what happened. More than once throughout the story Abby’s mouth fell open in awe at the complete rash decisions of her daughter. She could see Jake shaking his head, but there was a slight smile to his lips. She loved this man and in this life he was alive.

“You’re an idiot daughter of mine,” Jake exclaimed loudly, waving his arms all over as if to exaggerate his point.

“Daaaadddd,” Clarke whined and Abby just chuckled.

“Yes Clarke, you are an idiot, first love or not, I may not have understood before, but I see it now. Lexa looks at you not like you fell from the sky but as if you were the entire expanse of the sky itself. She looks at you like you were the one holding the Ark, sun, moon and stars in place,” Abby found herself saying and she realized that she meant every word.

Lexa the Commander of the Grounders was in love with her daughter and she wouldn’t allow Clarke to push that love aside.

“Come on kiddo,” Jake said when he realized Clarke couldn’t answer her mom.

“What? Where are we going?” Clarke asked as she looked at her dad’s outstretched arm.

“We’re going to pick up the Woods and then we are going to make you fix your mess,” Jake answered and pulled Clarke up from the couch.

Abby saw a hand held out to her as well and even though Jake’s smile when he looked at her did not fully reach his eyes, she knew this was progress. She grasped his arm gratefully and once again figured that yes, their family would be okay. Betrayal didn’t always snuff out love and her daughter and Lexa were proof of that.

 

//  
“I don’t think of her like that again,” Lincoln said.

He watched his wife pace the floor of their living room. He was sure she was going to walk a hole straight through the ground and figured the action would be fitting being that they were once Grounders. He watched her worry her lip with her teeth and knew that while she believed him that that was her nervous tick. He continued his explanation.

“I remember loving her. I remember everything, but it feels different now. Initially Lexa had been my friend, now I am her father. Initially Octavia was mine, now she is Lexa’s best friend whom I must protect Becca. I don’t want to sleep with her because that would be like sleeping with my own kid” Lincoln finished speaking and watched Becca closely.

Octavia had been his great love once upon a time. He had died and though given a second chance their love hadn't been. He sighed not understanding the forces behind everything, but it was evident things were different.

He heard the pacing stop. Opening his eyes, Lincoln realized Becca was kneeling in front of him. Her eyes were peering at him wide and filled with an uncertainty he didn't blame her for. He reached out for her and immediately she sank into him. He drew her up into his lap and held her as she cried. He had already shed his tears for Okteivia and now his duty was to Becca.

There was a knock on the door and Becca cuddled more against him. He lifted her and placed her in the couch. Striding to the door he flung it open not surprised to see the Griffins standing there. The sight of Clarke was unexpected though. She barreled into him and his arms gripped her tightly. She’d been crying. Why she would though when she still had Lexa he didn't know.

“I’m sorry,”

Clarke whispered the simple words into his ear, and not knowing what to say he just nodded his head. Her grip on him tightened and he understood she meant about Octavia. Realizing he was still standing in the doorway he stepped away to allow Jake and Abby inside.

“No. Grab Becca we’re going to go see the kids,” Jake said not moving from the step with Abby tucked into his side.

Lincoln peeled himself away from Clarke and headed back to the living room to see an empty couch. Abby’s eyes weren't as wary or judgmental as before her realized. She seemed more understanding, accepting even and he was glad she finally looked at him as a person, and not some savage living in the woods.

He headed to the bathroom and waited by the door for Becca to come out. Her face was scrubbed clean and though her eyes were still puffy the tears could no longer be seen staining her cheeks.

He smiled at her while stretching out his hand and when she silently took it, he knew everything would eventually be okay. They were going on a road trip. They were headed to console or support or explain to their families. Hell maybe it was all three.

 

//  
The drive back to Polis was silent. No one seemed eager to start a conversation and being stuck in the back seat with Becca and her Mom, Clarke didn't know what to say either. She stared out the window trying and failing to understand how their lives had changed so drastically or why it happened.

She felt sorry for Lincoln and Octavia. They had been it for each other before, but now reincarnated there was at least a twenty year difference and a marriage and kid standing between then. She imagined if that were her and Lexa and how she would survive. It pained her to think about it.

Her mom had told Lincoln about Finn calling her and he had promised to use his resources to check out the boy’s status. Clarke didn't need Finn in her life, but if she did see him she also needed him not to be a crazy gun slinger in the name of love again.

Classes were slated to start Monday and she wasn't enthused. She was majoring in Art with a minor in graphic design, and was grateful Aden decided on Medicine hence their mom didn't attack her for her ‘unorthodox’ choice. She imagined painting the sights from her travels and sketching portraits that would hang in galleries all over the world and in people’s homes. She didn’t need to have her own gallery, but she needed to have her work displayed because according to Lexa, they were too artsy and exquisitely beautiful to keep to herself. Whatever that meant Clarke didn’t know.

Lexa had chosen a Literature major with a minor in Business and Management because she would take over Pramheda Enterprises eventually. Raven was doing Engineering and Robotics because obviously she was a genius and Octavia was headed for International Relations. Both Monty and Jasper were Computer Science majors with obvious minors in smoking weed and pulling pranks.

They were easily an interconnected bunch and could probably become seasoned criminals if they pooled all their knowledge. If school didn’t work out for them Raven could build machinery and sell on the black market, Monty and Jasper could hack everything, Lexa could write the ransom notes or threatening letters, Aden could patch up their bullet wounds if things got so bad and Octavia could totally bail them out of prison and set them up in a safe house.

It was funny to think about and it helped her pass the time. No Clarke did not want a life of crime, but the prospect could be there if needs be. And Clarke? Clarke would be the art thief that made fakes to replace the originals that she would swipe. They could be a gang.

Clarke unlocked her phone and there were no messages or missed calls. She knew Lexa was giving her space, but for some reason the fact that her girlfriend didn’t even try to contact her pissed her off. She knew she was wrong for not listening and flying off the handle, shouting and accusing, but Lexa hadn’t even reached out. Clarke knew she was being stupid once again and willed herself to calm down and think less emotionally, but it wasn’t working.

Post-apocalyptic Clarke had always been the voice of reason. The voice of do it another way; violence isn’t necessary. Let’s talk about it. Work together. Think it out. Present Clarke now however, was angry. Angry for forgetting. Angry for allowing Lexa to die. Angry for being drawn to Finn even when she hadn’t remembered. Angry for sleeping with Costia. Angry for forgetting Raven and Octavia. Clarke was angry for being unable to have saved everyone.

Clarke was angry that if everyone had been saved and given a second chance that she would have to fight all those battles again. Clarke was angry that once again she would lose Lexa and that was the scariest part of it all.

She was angry, but really Clarke was afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you want to see happen?  
> Tellllll me!


	5. Love Is Weakness, But Remember Me All The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s some talking. Idk what it solves, but it happens just the same. I’m sorry in advance btw (just saying). #highlyemotional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters: just putting the disclaimer out there…lol. Who can identify the How I Met Your Mother references?

**Heroes always make the right decision; I find that seldom happens in my life.  
—Judd Nelson**

 

“I don’t want to—” Clarke said panicking as she saw her house come into view.

This was hers and Lexa’s. This was their new home, something they were to share, build, and grow. Their first argument had happened and Clarke had run away. Leaving her home and her love because she couldn’t stand the idea of losing Lexa. This made no sense because in turn she did leave Lexa.

The panic seemed to seep out of her bones and even before her dad finished putting the car into park properly, Clarke was barreling out and landing unsteadily on her feet rushing to their front door, hers and Lexa’s. She ignored the voices of the adults behind her and slammed the door open.

“Lexa! Lexxxaaaaa!” Clarke shouted as she stepped through the door.

Ignoring everyone in their house Clarke saw Lexa in the living room standing and moving towards her and god was she beautiful. Lexa was shaking, eyes worried, forehead crinkling and Clarke was sorry for leaving and running and being angry without proper reason because she didn’t listen.

Lexa was standing directly in front of her now. Clarke was aware that their parents were now inside the house, but no one was speaking and she didn’t know how to break the dread that hung in the house. She didn’t know how to sate the expectation of all the eyes on her. She didn’t know to explain to the green eyes devouring her that she was afraid and so she was angry and so she was stupid. She didn’t know how to stop the shaking of her hands as she stared at—

Lexa was kissing her. She felt lips whisper against her own. She felt apologies. She felt promises. She felt sorry and when Lexa’s tongue begged her to open her mouth she felt the need to open her soul and give of all she had. Their tongues didn’t dance, nor did they struggle for dominance. Their tongues were still. Their eyes closed, their bodies flushed and Clarke inhaled before pulling away.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered against soft lips and she felt the exhale on her own lips.

“I’m scared as shit Lex. She was your first love. You closed off loving and your heart when she died. Like how am I to compete with that. I don’t know if you were mine then just because she didn’t exist, so now that she does, how am I to compete with that?”

Lexa rushed forward with her lips again this time with more abandon, invasion evident, and moans vocal. When they broke apart again Lexa remembered where they were and blushed furiously at all the eyes looking everywhere else but at them. She wanted to drag Clarke into the privacy of their room, but she needed Clarke to know just as publicly how she felt.

“Clarke. I didn’t realize how it sounded initially. Costia was my past, but I do need to see her because I want to apologize Clarke. Anya and Indra says that she goes to Polis, they’ve seen her. She died because they thought she knew my secrets. She died essentially because of me, but I don’t feel anything for her but guilt and I need to let go of that. Me doing that is not letting go of you. I could never let go of you Clarke. I love you. I waited for you. I accepted that you may never remember and I was okay with that— Clarke, please don’t leave me again,”

Lexa was shaking when she finished talking and the pools of blue staring back at her were watery and full of regret and shining. Lexa knew just as she did when she had seen Clarke the first time that this was the brave skai prisa that had dared talk back to the Commander.

“ _When the sky met the ground, echoes of hurt and pain could be heard. Blue sunk into green and the sky was finally tethered, the ground uplifted— they were home_ ,” Clarke smiled as the words left her mouth and she watched Lexa’s expression turn shocked.

“Clarke you recited a line from my poem,”

“Technically you wrote it for me so it’s my poem,” and Lexa laughs at Clarke when she says this and nods ecstatically.

“Do you remember what you said to me after you read the poem,” and Lexa nodded again after Clarke spoke.

“Say it, please,” Clarke’s words were pleading and Lexa could only stare at her unbelieving.

“Don’t ever doubt it hodness. Ai hod yu in Klark so so much,”

Lexa reached for Clarke wrapping her arms around her. They stood like that, embraced in safety, in each other. They were each other’s home and when they felt the arms of their family and friends encasing them, Lexa and Clarke knew that regardless of memories, past loves and future uncertainty they were going to be okay.

 

//  
The first week of school had gone well. Orientation and occasionally getting lost had been loads of fun, not. Their parents had called almost every day to check in, and while Lexa was grateful, she hated being reminded that Clarke had run out on her. That was what the calls did. They reminded her that the love of her life had decided for even just a few hours that Lexa hadn’t been worth it.

Clarke had been more present and caring and sensitive lately, and she was appreciative, but Lexa hated being coddled and treated as if at any moment she would break. Clarke was tiptoeing around her and reaching out to her with a long stick. They hadn’t been intimate since they had been in Polis and Lexa was a horny mess.

Lexa had tried to start something two nights before, but Clarke had pulled away told her she was beautiful and proceeded to cuddle her. Lexa figured this must have been how Clarke had felt when she had tried to take things slow after their first time last year. It was pissing her off. Forehead and cheek kisses with cuddles just weren’t doing it. She had tried to take care of the problem herself, but it wasn’t the same as Clarke’s hands, lips and breath on her.

She had gotten close again with Anya and Indra, but refused to meet with Roan just yet regardless of his insistence. He was smart enough not to just show up and for that she was happy. Raven and Octavia had reconnected even deeper with Clarke than before and on more than one occasion Lexa had to put up with them in the apartment as Raven and Clarke relived Finn’s betrayals and death; though he was very much alive right now.

It wasn’t that Lexa didn’t want their friends in the apartment, but Clarke was practically using them as buffers to avoid her, and it was unnerving. Finn had called twice more and the second time Aden had grabbed the phone and barked at the boy. Lexa had been shocked at such a fierce display, but had made no comment. All in all, it had been an okay week for a group of people who had just realized they were actually from a post-apocalyptic ravaged world.

There had been no sign of Costia so far. Indra had told her that Costia was a Junior studying Journalism so Lexa hadn’t expected to bump into her in any of her classes. She hadn’t seen her on campus either and she was terrified to use the number Clarke had given her.

She didn’t want it to seem like she was actively searching for Costia, but the lack of anything was unnerving now that she knew she was alive and basically right in their vicinity. Clarke hadn’t brought up the fact that Costia went to Polis. In fact, Clarke was behaving as if Costia didn’t exist at all.

Lexa walked to the far end of campus with her headphones in, ignoring the throng of happy students looking forward to the weekend. She was supposed to meet Clarke at some restaurant Clarke had found just outside the school’s back gate for a ‘date’ Clarke had said. Lexa knew it was the guilt which prompted Clarke to plan an end of the week date, but she never said a word.

 

//  
Clarke sat at a booth in the dimly lit restaurant slash bar staring at a menu. ELYCIA’S was a little nook right behind the university, expertly placed if she thought about it. She had stumbled upon it by complete accident when she got lost looking for some of her classes.

The ambience was homey, the booths were soft and the old jukebox in the corner gave the place an old time vibe which Clarke thoroughly appreciated. Presently it was spitting out lyrics to a song she didn’t know but the beat was catchy. Carl the bartender kept eyeing her and she ignored him, opting to order her drinks from Wendy the waitress (there was some pun in there she guessed) who looked about her age.

Looking at her watch, Clarke expected Lexa within the next five minutes or so. She decided to look at the food menu till the drinks arrived, but really she just needed to focus her mind on something other than the terrible girlfriend she had been this week. She knew Lexa knew she was ignoring her, but for the love of all things holy she didn’t know how to act any different.

She had hurt Lexa and she was trying to make amends. Honestly she wasn’t doing it in the right way. Although in closing off herself she did come to the conclusion that Lexa deserved better than her half-assing their relationship and overreacting like a two year old all the time. This ‘date’ was Clarke’s first step to making things better. She heard footsteps pause at her booth, there was shuffling, and then a body that wasn’t Lexa’s plopped down in front of her.

“Seat’s taken,” Clarke said without looking up.

“Hello Clarke,”

Clarke’s head snapped up at the sound. She hadn’t heard that voice in over a year, but fuck, she couldn’t forget the sweetness it dripped or the smoothness it brewed. Her eyes locked with soft hazel orbs framed by high cheekbones, plump lips, dark hair and an olive tanned skin that Clarke never expected to see again. She almost didn’t respond, but then the face in front of her was raising an eyebrow and smirking. Shit.

“Costia,”

“Long time no see,” and Costia’s tone was sincere and Clarke immediately felt guilty.

“Mhm,”

“I heard you know,”

“Heard what?” and Clarke asked hoping her face didn’t give anything away just as Costia reached for her hand. Her breath hitched at the contact and Clarke cursed herself for how her body reacted.

“That the Commander loved you,”

The response was matter of fact and Costia started making circles using her thumb on Clarke’s hand. The touch was sending sparks through her body. She grabbed her hand away angrily, ignoring the unaffected but curious look Costia was throwing at her.

Here she had been accusing Lexa of wanting to get back with Costia, when it was her who was being unfaithful? A touch wasn’t cheating right, though if she saw someone rubbing Lexa’s hand like that she would flip out. Shit, she had flipped out for less.

“Who told you that?” Clarke was curious and unintentionally leaned forward as well.

“My boyfriend Bellamy. I think you know him,” Costia said leaning back and removing her hands completely from the table.

“Bellamy is here?” Clarke couldn’t believe it.

Clarke listened to Costia talk about what she remembered— Ice Nation and all. Apparently she was at Polis U on a scholarship and met Bellamy who was also a junior. It hadn’t been till a couple of days ago though that her memories came back and Bellamy’s as well. They had apparently talked about exes when they had just gotten together. When Bellamy had realized that the ‘Clarke’ Costia had been with in high school was the same Clarke he knew, he had told her about the Ark crash landing, the Mountain falling, Clarke and then Clarke and the Commander.

It was too much for Clarke to take in at once. They had been talking for an hour though and when Clarke finally realized that Lexa hadn’t shown, she knew she needed to get home. She needed to tell Lexa she had seen Costia before she told Costia about Lexa.

“Is your number the same?” Clarke asked and Costia nodded, “Okay, I’ll call you to meet up and Bellamy too, I bet Octavia is gonna flip. I gotta go now though.”

“Do it before Monday though,” Costia responded getting up from the booth as well.

“What? Why?”

“I’m leaving for Reykjavik on Monday,”

“Whaaat?!”

“Clarke if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were disappointed,”

Clarke shrugged at that. She wasn’t ready to admit that maybe Lexa would be disappointed, for she wasn’t ready to admit that that bothered her more than it should for reasons that shouldn’t exist.

“I’ll call you,” was all Clarke said and left, dropping a few dollars on the table.

 

//  
ELYCIA’S wasn’t packed when Lexa got there and she figured the quiet atmosphere without their friends butting in would allow her and Clarke to talk. The place was actually cool looking, kind of like that bar in True Blood well except for the vampires, and the owner that was actually a dog. She was almost where Clarke sat with her head down looking at a menu, when she saw a brunette sit in the booth.

Lexa stopped moving forward when she saw Clarke look up at the girl with recognition plastered on her face. She couldn’t hear the conversation, but she stood frozen when she saw the girl reach for Clarke’s hand basically massaging it. Clarke didn’t pull away immediately and Lexa felt something in her gut boil. She wanted to go over and tell the girl off, but if Clarke were allowing the closeness what was the point.

Lexa watched Clarke eventually move her hand, her face now bordering on guilty, but the girl said something else and now Clarke was leaning forward and Lexa was breaking a little. Clarke was meeting her here, but there was Clarke out rightly allowing this brunette to flirt with her, no obvious care that Lexa was supposed to be turning up.

She couldn’t watch anymore. She made it to the door in seconds and was out of the restaurant and headed back to her car on campus. She needed to get out of there. She needed— Lexa didn’t know what she needed. She wanted to call Anya, Raven or Octavia, but figured involving their friends would do no good but escalate the issue, if it were even an issue, into a bigger thing.

Lexa made it across campus in no time and flinging open her car door she sat locked inside swiping at the tears that were running down her face. Clarke had been mad at her for wanting to find out about Costia. Clarke had left, left her in the middle of their driveway actually and now what?

Clarke had ignored her all week even though Lexa told her time and again that she forgave her. Clarke had chosen not to be intimate with her no matter how Lexa tried to prove she wanted to. Clarke was meeting her for a ‘date’ to talk and try to deal with things, but instead Clarke was leaning into strange girls and allowing them to touch her. Lexa felt herself shaking.

The tears were coming in abundance now. She stopped trying to wipe them away and she sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting for her vision to clear before she started the car and headed home. She didn’t want to go back to the house, but she couldn’t run. She needed to at least confront Clarke properly before she decided on anything.

 

//  
“Babe you here?”

Lexa heard the front door slam and Clarke’s voice carried into their room. She rolled over turning her back to the room door and covered herself tighter with the blankets on the bed. She really didn’t want to talk to Clarke. It had been an hour. Clarke had stayed in the restaurant for an hour even though she hadn’t turned up. She had stayed to talk to a girl. Lexa broke with the thought and she tugged harder on the blanket.

“Babe,”

Clarke was in the room now. Lexa had heard the door open and close. She didn’t answer. She closed her eyes. She wondered if Clarke would lie to her if she didn’t tell her that she was in the restaurant and saw her. She wondered what Clarke’s explanation would be. She heard Clarke’s shoes get flung towards the closet, though they didn’t really make it in. She heard the jacket connect with the chair and then she felt the bed dip.

“Lex,”

Clarke was spooning her now, and placing kisses against the side of her neck that the blankets didn’t cover. Lexa wanted to push her off, but her damn body that hadn’t been touched in a week was leaning back into Clarke and being placated by her touch. She couldn’t control it and when Clarke sucked just a little, a moan slithered out of her throat.

“Stop,” the word sounded pathetic coming from her lips Lexa thought even as her body grinded back into Clarke.

Clarke’s hands came to wrap around her then resting on her thighs massaging them just a little and Lexa had to bite back another moan she knew was trying to escape. She couldn’t allow this to happen.

“You wouldn’t guess who I saw at the restaurant babe,”

Clarke started talking in between placing wet kisses along Lexa’s neck. The blanket was almost gone now and Lexa tried her best to lie still and wait for Clarke to tell her what happened.

“Costia,” Clarke continued and Lexa tensed.

Turning around slowly and pulling away, Lexa met Clarke’s eyes. She had been sad before, and crying, but now Lexa was just mad. Clarke had made a big deal about her wanting to see Costia, but now she was to be okay with Clarke fawning over the girl who had been her first as well now that Lexa thought about it.

“Whoa babe, you were crying, why?” and all Lexa wanted to do at Clarke’s words was slap the concern out of them.

Shaking her head Lexa got up from the bed, but Clarke was holding onto her wrist. Her eyes snapped to Clarke’s hand and then to Clarke’s eyes. There was actual concern there and it only made Lexa angrier. She lashed out.

“So you saw your ex and she felt you up so you come home wanting to touch me after days of ignoring me? Is that it Klark!” Lexa watched realization hit and she saw Clarke flinch at the enunciation of her name, but Clarke didn’t release her hand.

“Why didn’t you come over?” Clarke asked, her voice low.

“Are you kidding me?” Lexa blew up again and this time, she wrenched her arm violently from Clarke’s grasp. The girl scrambled away from her then, back slamming against the head board and Lexa immediately wanted to soothe her, but she couldn’t.

“She was all over you Clarke. You allowed the first girl you dated and were full intimate with to be all over you for what? And I was to have come over and done what? Join in? What? Did you want a threesum? Fuck you Klark,” Lexa saw each word rip into Clarke and even though she realized she was being harsh she didn’t care and she continued.

“I didn’t know who it was you know. But shit it shouldn’t have mattered. You were mad at me when all I want to do is apologize for getting her killed in a previous life. You ran out on me without giving me the benefit of the doubt. You have ignored me all fucking week Clarke when I did nothing! You however,” Lexa had to wipe the tears running down her cheeks away.

“You accused me of wanting to get back with her and it was you who was basically eye-fucking her in the damn restaurant where you were supposed to be waiting on me. Fuck Clarke! How is that to make me feel? Does she even know you have a girlfriend? Did you tell her?”

Lexa was full on crying then and she couldn’t stand anymore as the pressure of everything came tumbling down on her. Her knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor. She felt Clarke at her side then. She felt Clarke’s arms hold onto her and she tried desperately to push her away. She didn’t want her comfort when she was the one who had caused the pain to begin with.

She was too weak to push her away though and eventually Clarke was holding her. Clarke had pulled her up and she was now sitting carelessly in her lap. Lexa’s head was buried in Clarke’s neck, tears soaking her shirt and skin. Clarke was rubbing circles onto her lower back and Lexa felt her sobs cause Clarke’s body to shake as well. All Lexa could do was cry.


	6. This Room Feels Different Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a group chat because I haven’t done that in a while. Lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I think you guys are starting to hate me for making Clarke seem like a bitch and I swear that wasn’t my intention. I do not have an outline of set ways that this story must follow. I have a drafted idea and I just work with whatever comes out on the page after. I was only trying to channel Clarke’s rage after Mount Weather. I’m sorry. I doubt this chapter makes up for it, but I do apologize in advance for any future mischaracterizations.

**I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am.... and most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you. — "Baby" in Dirty Dancing.**

 

Lexa woke up to an empty bed and an empty room. Her eyes adjusted to the dark and she realized that it wasn’t morning just yet. Clarke was nowhere near her and from the coldness of the bed, Lexa figured she had slept alone. Remembering the events of the day before made her mad and she snuggled further into the blankets as she snatched her phone off the nightstand to check the time.

It was 12:43 a.m. She wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep just yet and it was too dark for a run. The school gym was open 24/7, but she also didn’t want to leave the safety and warmth of the blankets. She unlocked her phone to check the messages she had missed.

**GROUNDERS**

**RavingReyes** we wanted to come over and Clarke said no *sad face*

 **OctaO** yeah is everything okay Lexa?

 **Aden** leave Heda alone guys

 **RavingReyes** oh bite me A

 **Jasper** I will *smirking face*

 **OctaO** control your pet Monty

 **RavingReyes** good one O! lol

 **Jasper** whatever *pouts*

 **Aden** Clarke isn’t feeling well and Lexa is taking care of her is why

 **Jasper** is that a sex thing?

 **Monty** oh god Jasper. Please stop

 **Aden** yep! That’s my sis dude and my commander. Don’t need that visual

 **OctaO** meh. It’s no biggie A. We’ve done the do too

 **RavingReyes** it was kinda big O

 **Aden** please stop. We said not to talk abt that again

 **Jasper** my eyes!

 **Griffingirl** stop blowing up my phone idiots. It’s not a sex thing stop being children

 **OctaO** *sad face*

 **RavingReyes** *pouts*

 **Aden** smh

 **Jasper** w/e

 **Monty** *thumbs up*

 **Griffingirl** and that’s why Monty rocks!

Lexa chuckled as she read through the messages. They were a few hours old and she decided a reply wasn’t necessary. There were a few texts from Anya and Indra as well. They had refused to join the group chat after what Indra claimed was the worst messaging experience of their freshman year. Nobody had pushed it and Lexa figured it was because most of the group were still afraid of post-apocalyptic Indra and Anya.

Octavia had grown close to Indra again though not as a second. Their interactions seemed more close, more special, and more caring. It didn’t seem blatantly romantic and Lexa didn’t want to judge them, but she could understand if it did. Later on she figured, after she sorted out her shit with Clarke she would bring it up.

There was also Raven who purposefully flirted with and annoyed Anya to no degree. Lexa knew Anya would deny it vehemently, but she did secretly like Raven doting on her. So yeah, except for those two, the group was terrified of Anya and Indra. In fact, even Aden was a little afraid, which was funny because he had known them personally being an original Grounder and all.

Clarke had told everyone that she was the one not feeling well and not Lexa. Lexa wondered about the lie and even though she wanted to add it up against Clarke to argue about later, she couldn’t. If it had been the other way around everyone would have been there, especially Anya and Indra because the only time something had been wrong with Lexa in the past, was when she had died.

She knew Clarke wasn’t a liar, but god the girl was frustrating. It was obvious that Clarke was going to tell her about Costia yesterday, but the minute the blonde had opened her mouth Lexa had lashed out. Maybe it was supposed to have been a surprise. Maybe Clarke had found Costia and brought her to the restaurant so that Lexa could have gotten the closure she needed and maybe if she hadn’t freaked out they could now be on their way to an awesome friendship.

Sighing loudly, Lexa reached for her phone again and sent off a text. Her thoughts were more level now and she needed to know what was going on. She heard the message tone of Clarke’s phone go off in the living room and she waited.

 

//  
Lexa had fallen asleep from exhaustion. She had cried and Clarke had cringed holding her. Once again she had hurt Lexa and there was no reasoning behind it other than she was an idiot. All she had to have done yesterday was to text Lexa that Costia was there too, and then they would have all caught up. She hadn’t though. She had leaned into Costia’s touch, not said she had a girlfriend and not revealed that said girlfriend was Lexa. She had fucked up.

The sane part of her brain had told her not to be an idiot, but the other part had made her revel in the attention. It had caused her to reminisce. It had made her think that hey she and Lexa weren’t so different after all to have been attracted to and slept with the same girl. It had made her selfish, and Clarke in that moment had liked the attention. It had made her guilty of all the things she had accused Lexa of on moving in day.

When Lexa had finally drifted off to sleep she had placed her on the bed, covered her in blankets and left the room. She had no right sleeping beside Lexa till they talked properly and Clarke was grudging that moment dearly. She shot off a text to Raven telling her they couldn’t come over and then the group messages started going off.

Settling into the couch Clarke decided that now was as good a time as any to message Costia. She was in the dog house already, might as well make shit worth it for when Lexa woke up. She found the number she was looking for and quickly sent a message with the most polite and standard demeanor she could. She didn’t want Costia misunderstanding anything.

She turned on the TV and settled into finishing some documentary that Lexa had paused on Netflix. It was going to be a long night. Her phone buzzed not minutes later and she read the text with a smile.

 **Costia** yes I’m bringing Bellamy. He’s a bit too excited though. Don’t steal my boyfriend Clarke. Lol.

 **Clarke** both his sister and my girlfriend would kill me if I did. No worries.

Clarke sent off the address to Costia and after receiving no more replies for the time being, she focused her attention back on the screen. It was something about raccoons and the animal easily reminded Clarke of Lexa in her war paint. Thoughts of the Commander filled her mind and Clarke allowed them to soothe her to sleep.

A vibration and a ringing woke her up. She was still on the couch. The TV was still playing and she was terribly uncomfortable. She was still sitting up. Her neck pained her and she reached out for the sound hoping to make it stop. Seeing the name which flashed across her screen Clarke quickly unlocked the phone, ignoring that the time screamed almost one a.m., and read the message.

 **Lexa** come to bed

Clarke read the message over and over. It was simple and there could be no mistake. Lexa wanted her in their room, beside her even and Clarke couldn’t move. She didn’t deserve forgiveness this easily. It was her who kept messing up and yet again it was Lexa who was the one to hold out the olive branch. God she was stupid to keep treating Lexa wrongly.

Silently, Clarke got up from the couch, stretched her body and neck especially, and then she turned off the TV and made her way back to the room. She stood outside the door for what seemed like an eternity with her hand on the door knob unable to go in. She had to though. This was something that she couldn’t pretend didn’t happen and she couldn’t ignore the consequences. Sighing she made her hand work, turned the knob and stepped inside.

The room was essentially pitch black and Clarke shut her eyes tight twice forcing them to adjust. Lexa was lying in the middle of the bed covered from head to toe in blankets and Clarke smiled at the sight. Maybe Lexa was just cold and needed the body heat, but wasn’t ready to forgive her.

They could hit pause if one of them were in great need and then come back to the argument later. She made her way slowly to the end of the bed and sat precariously on the edge. She saw Lexa shift, heard her sigh and then she was sitting up, green eyes pinning Clarke so she couldn’t move and Clarke felt like she was on trial.

“Tell me what happened,” Lexa said.

Her tone was questioning and Clarke knew she was preparing herself for the worst. So Clarke told her, in great detail and word for word exactly what had happened in the restaurant and about her texting Costia earlier this evening and the plan for them all to meet up tomorrow and hash things out.

“Does she know I’m your girlfriend?” the question was strained and Clarke wanted to kick herself for reducing Lexa to this.

“Not you specifically, but I did tell her I had a girlfriend when I texted. I’m afraid,”

“Of what?”

“That if I tell her, she’s not going to want to move and that she would want to come over this exact minute and win you back,”

There was silence then and Clarke watched as Lexa’s brow crinkled as she tried to figure out what to say. It was unnerving.

“Costia wouldn’t do that,”

“But you accused me of it. Saying I was flirting with her, my ex,”

“Because you were Clarke!” Lexa’s voice was loud.

Clarke scooted away off the bed, stepping back into the room hoping not to collide with anything or fall over anything on the floor. It’s not that she was afraid Lexa would physically hurt her, because she would never, but an angry Lexa reminded her of a once heartless Lexa as Commander and she hated that it was her fault Lexa was like this once more.

“God! I’m sorry I shouted at you, but Clarke, Costia is the one who doesn’t know, you shouldn’t have flirted back is my point,” and Clarke had to look away from the hurt staining Lexa’s eyes.

She was right of course. Clarke did know the situation and maybe Bellamy and Costia weren’t that serious is why Costia had flirted, but it shouldn’t have mattered. Clarke knew, because she was with Lexa even if Costia didn’t know that. At this realization, Clarke felt much worse and she couldn’t bear the thought of looking at the pain she was causing Lexa anymore. She needed to leave the room and she started walking swiftly back to the door.

“Where the fuck are you going Clarke?” Lexa’s voice stopped her.

Her tone wasn’t angry it was more annoyed and frustrated, unbelieving even and Clarke stood still, arm outstretched reaching for the door knob. She was running again. She knew Lexa hated it, but she also knew that she was hurting Lexa presently.

“If you go out that—” Lexa started speaking again and stopped abruptly hissing her teeth.

Clarke dropped her hand but she didn’t turn around. She couldn’t look at Lexa. She didn’t have it in her to be brave. She wasn’t what Lexa needed; she was weak and always running and selfish with Lexa and in her own desires. Clarke stood at the door, not wanting to leave, not wanting to believe Lexa’s threat, but also knowing that her actions weren’t worth the effort they had been expending this past week.

In this life it seemed she was the one leaving Lexa at the mountain, betrayal in her every action and she wanted to speak the words _may we meet again,_ but didn’t know how. She was given a second chance with Lexa at love, and here she was mucking it up because she was an entitled asshole.

Clarke felt tentative arms surround her. She didn’t realize that Lexa had gotten up having never heard a sound, but she felt the arms snake slowly around her as if asking permission to hold her and Clarke relaxed into the embrace. She felt Lexa pull her in. She felt the body heat seep from Lexa to her. She felt the hot air of Lexa’s breath on her neck and Clarke could feel herself trying not to cry.

Lexa held her and steadied her. It was calming and soothing and stupid that the love of her life that she had been continuously hurting was the one to still, after everything, provide the support and comfort she needed. She really was Wanheda. She was the Commander of Death that destroyed everything she touched.

“No,” Lexa whispered against her neck and Clarke shuddered wondering if Lexa was reading her mind.

“I can feel you thinking too hard and blaming yourself for everything. You want to carry everyone’s pain, but Clarke let me help you, please,”

“Lex—”

“No. You fuck up when you are on your own Clarke. I left you on your own once and I promised to never do it again. Stop running away from me and let me help you. Let me live up to the memory of the girl you gave your life for,” Lexa placed soft kisses on Clarke’s neck holding their bodies together.

“After Mount Weather Lexa, I couldn't have stayed at camp. No one stopped me from leaving, but I knew they were mad at me. When the memories came back Lex—” Clarke paused to take a breath, saying this out loud was hard.

“—the bad ones were prevalent. Yes I remembered immediately that I loved you, but I also remembered you talking about Costia and how love after that was weakness. I remembered you protecting me from Quint, but I remembered Anya attacking the dropship. I remembered you trusting me and not killing Octavia, but I immediately also remembered you leaving me to die at the mountain,”

Lexa tried to cut in, but Clarke wouldn’t allow it—

“Wait, let me finish. I know it was wrong to allow Costia’s touch to comfort me, but she was the only person who didn't know I was the great Wanheda: a murderer and a deserter,” Clarke breathed out shaking and trying to steady herself and her thoughts.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me Lexa because I've been an ass, but don't give up on me. I swear I wouldn't survive if you did.”

Clarke turned slowly in Lexa’s arms after she was finished speaking, and allowed herself to be pulled further into the embrace. Clarke was guided by Lexa’s body back to the bed. They stood hovering and Lexa stripped off her own shirt then Clarke’s. Pants followed and underwear and they stood naked before each other. Vulnerable and scared. Their eyes were locked. Green tethering blue. Blue uplifting green.

 _“A hundred years”_ Lexa kissed her eyelids as they fluttered close.

 _“nor death by bullet,”_ Lexa kissed her lips.

 _“could prevent them from seeing the same moon,”_ Lexa kissed the hollow of her collar bones.

 _“aching to press skin deep and forever,”_ Lexa pushed her on the bed and Clarke looped her hands around Lexa’s neck so they fell together.

 _“into more than just surviving,”_  Lexa held her skin to skin, whispering promises against Clarke’s body.

They held each other as they drifted off into sleep. Their hands didn’t roam, and their kisses didn’t deepen. There were no sexual touches or moans, and no orgasms. They were just two tired girls. Two girls scared and lashing out. Two girls unsure of the future. Two girls in love, and willing to try again.


	7. Just As She's About Ready To Cut It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a break in and Lexa and Costia reunite?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter guys! The evil angst fades slowly. This chapter has a happy ending.

**“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber**

 

Clarke woke to the sound of a door opening and closing in their apartment. She could feel Lexa lying next to her, so technically there should be no one else in the house. Shit. Lexa was sleeping pressed directly into her side, hair splayed across Clarke’s naked chest and though her heart was racing, Clarke relished in the beauty of the girl she loved.

There was the sound again. This time it was louder and the sound of something banging to the floor startled Clarke again. Had someone broken into the house? Shit.

“Lexa…” she shook the brunette beside her whispering quickly.

“Five more minutes prisa,” Lexa grumbled and turned trapping Clarke beneath her.

“Lexa wake the hell up there is someone in the house,” Clarke shook Lexa again, this time adding a punch to her shoulder.

Lexa sat up alarmed. Her eyes darted all over the room and landed on Clarke.

“Clarke wha—” Lexa felt a hand come up to her mouth preventing her from speaking.

“Listen,” Clarke murmured and pointed to the door. Lexa’s head turned towards the door and Clarke saw her eyes go wide. It was still early in the morning. The first lights of the sun were just coming out. Clarke was silently freaking out, but she was trying not to make it seem like too big of a deal.

She slid out of the bed and started putting on her clothes. She flung a hoodie and sweatpants towards Lexa and made her way to the door. Clarke stopped mid stride as she watched Lexa stretch up to put on the hoodie. Her muscles rippled barely lit by the morning sun as Lexa stretched and Clarke gulped. Don’t be distracted idiot, Clarke scolded herself and reached for the lamp on the dresser.

“Clarke wait. Don’t,” Lexa whispered trying to dress quickly, stumbling out of bed almost tripping over her feet as Clarke opened the door and left the room lamp in hand going after the burglars.

“Fuck. Clarke wait,” Lexa rushed through the door as a loud crash came from the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Clarke straddling Raven hand raised over her head ready to attack with their lamp.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Lexa asked frustrated. It was seven in the morning on a Saturday and these were no burglars, just their idiot friends who obviously had no boundaries. She moved over to Clarke and pulled her off Raven as Octavia came out of the bathroom looking incredulously at the scene.

“Uhm…”

“Sorry guys, I know you gave me the key for emergencies, but we just wanted to see if you guys were okay and… sorry,” Aden said coming out of the kitchen to stand by Octavia looking at them.

“Is that Lexa’s sweatshirt Clarke?” Octavia asked as Clarke as she got back to her feet.

“How would you even know that?” Clarke asked turning to Octavia but not moving away from Lexa.

“Well I gave it to her for her sixteenth birthday and tried to steal it a million times after that so yeah I would know,” Clarke had no response for that and Raven just laughed.

“So like how you guys have on each other’s clothes is it safe to say you guys finally made up and did the do?” Raven was speaking between laughter and Aden had gone back into the kitchen.

Lexa heard pots and pans being moved around and figured he was going to make an apology breakfast for his allowing Raven and Octavia to bully him into breaking into their house. Lexa felt Clarke tense against her and instinctively she reached out in comfort.

“You guys can’t stay over though,” Clarke said and everybody paused mid-action.

“Whaaaaaaat!”

“Noooooooo!” both Raven and Octavia exclaimed simultaneously and Lexa could hear Aden snort from the kitchen.

“Seriously guys, I love you, but I been using you to cock block myself and ignore my girlfriend all week, so after Costia and Bellamy come and leave, you guys are also leaving,” Clarke took in the shocked faces and looked towards Octavia.

“What did you say?” it was Raven that spoke up and Clarke watched as Octavia dropped herself into the couch.

“O,” Lexa said moving away from Clarke and going to sit by her friend.

Clarke couldn’t hear what they were saying and decided her input wasn’t necessary. She saw Aden eyeing her out of the corner of his eye, and instead of bailing to her room she saved him the trouble and made her way over to him grabbing a stool at the counter.

“Just say it Ade,”

“Are you okay with Costia being around?” he asked voice prodding but not provoking.

“She won’t be. She’s moving to Iceland,” Clarke hoped her voice sounded as strong as she wished it to.

“That’s kind of ironic isn’t it?”

“Huh?” Clarke was confused by Aden’s response.

“Well she was abducted and killed by the Ice nation and now she’s moving to Iceland. I think that’s ironic,”

Their laughter peeled out then, heavy and loud. Clarke sat chest raising and falling and for once since getting to Polis she was forgetting that her world may come crashing down at any minute. She looked over to where Octavia and Lexa were talking and when she saw Raven join in the conversation she almost felt a little out of place.

Tamping that unwanted feeling down Clarke turned her attention back to Aden. He was saying something she had missed.

“Clarke,” he said calling her attention back to their conversation.

“Sorry, yeah?”

“You know she loves you right?”

“Yeah, but I’ve messed up Ade. I hurt her so much since these stupid memories came back,” Clarke sighed hands coming up to cover her face.

“I saw her with Costia when I was growing up you know,” Clarke growled at the mention of Costia’s name and Aden placed his arm on her shoulder before continuing.

“She and Costia were good together. They complemented each other. Costia knew she was the Commander and respected that title and her responsibilities. She never made Lexa feel guilty for being who she needed to be—”

“Aden what’s the point of this story?” Clarke grumbled out cutting Aden off.

“I also saw you and Lexa together and she was forced to be more free because you challenged her Clarke. You made her question her decisions because she loved you, something Costia could never do. You made Lexa live her life—”

“Technically I made Titus kill her,” Clarke interrupted.

“You didn’t. That was all on baldy sis,”

The conversation was easy after that. Aden reminded her that technically, Costia had been her first official girl too just like Lexa and because of that Lexa probably was even more freaked out than Clarke. Clarke listened to her brother give good advice as usual and her eyes kept finding green. She needed to make things right with Lexa without all the drama of their friends and family.

 

//  
Lexa sat comforting Octavia with the help of Raven. She wasn’t as shocked as Lexa had expected her to be though, and Lexa figured that since Octavia had lost Lincoln it was only fair the universe gave her back her brother. Anya and Indra probably were going to break his face initially, but he kind of did deserve it.

She listened to Raven make some joke about Octavia having a kink for Grounders, because first it was Lincoln and now it was Indra. Lexa watched Octavia’s face go ten different shades of red and she smiled. As she listened to her friends, her eyes kept going back to blue ones and she knew she had already forgiven Clarke.

She’d had years to process the memories because in fact they had never left her, but this was new to the rest of them. She had seen this Clarke before, it was how Clarke was after the mountain and Lexa hated seeing her spiral. She was going to give Clarke what she asked for; a second chance (she would get as many as she needed, but Clarke didn’t need to know that). Raven nudged her shoulder and Lexa’s attention tried to drift back to the conversation.

“Huh?”

“I said, she will come around,” Raven whispered eyes locked on Clarke, and Lexa followed her gaze nodding.

“Indra and Anya are on their way, and I quote—O, imma knock your bro the eff out and then imma allow Indra to fuck him up—end quote” Octavia shared as she smiled down at her phone.

“Uhm… and you’re okay with that?” Lexa asked as she watched Octavia grin and type out a reply.

“He deserves more than a punch or two Lex. I love him. I’m glad he’s back and I can’t wait to see him, but he did attack a Grounder army that wasn’t a threat, just to prove a point, so yeah, they can floor him and then I’ll hug him,”

“This is why you’re my type of gal O!” and Raven high fived Octavia, both of them grinning. Lexa decided that no response was necessary and she sat comforted by her friends, essentially her family.

When Raven decided to launch into a new conversation with Octavia, Lexa got up and made her way back to the room. She needed a shower to face this day. Going into the bathroom, Lexa quickly stripped and stood in the shower. Cold water pelted her as she waited for it to warm up.

She could hear her friends talking and laughing. Aden was saying something that could have sounded almost stern if he hadn’t burst out laughing at the same time. She needed to remind him what stoicism was about. She was inherently happy for all of them though and extremely glad that they had all been given a second chance at the youth they had never experienced before.

Lexa knew that Anya especially would tell her that she was letting Clarke off too easy, but what purpose did it serve for both of them to keep hurting and playing this game of who could hurt the other more. It was already obvious that Clarke was suffering and while that didn’t justify treating Lexa like the spawn of the earth and doing things without thinking, Lexa could reconcile that fact.

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. Lexa opened the door of the bedroom and froze as she stepped inside and the door shut behind her. Clarke was standing by the window wringing her hands together obviously nervous. Lexa looked at her and just raised a brow.

“I’m sorry,”

“You said that already,” Lexa responded, needing Clarke to still feel a little in the dog house if only for a second.

Watching her, Lexa thought she was dangerously close now to possibly ripping her hands off with the amount of force her nervous habit was using up. Lexa decided to ignore Clarke’s hands and continue speaking.

“Do you have a death wish? This morning could have been dangerous Klark,” and hearing her name like that made Clarke stop her ministrations and stare at Lexa.

“Did you want to prove something?” Lexa asked as she stalked forward slowly advancing on Clarke. She took in the sight of Clarke’s breasts straining against her sweatshirt. Octavia was right; that could never have been Clarke’s sweatshirt.

“You would have done it,” Clarke finally managed to say as she watched Lexa coming towards her, all long legs barely covered by a towel that could have been a rag for all she knew.

“Yeah, but I’m trained to fight. If that hadn’t been Raven you could have been hurt,” Lexa stopped right in front of Clarke now.

“I didn’t want anyone to hurt you,” Clarke tried again, voice cracking as Lexa was only inches from her.

“No, because that’s your job,” as Lexa said the words, she immediately regretted them when she saw the blue fade from Clarke’s eyes that now resembled a stormy sea instead of a sunny day. In that moment Lexa hated herself for stooping to that level.

“You’re right, but it shouldn’t be like that and I’m gonna change it,” Clarke didn’t give her a chance to respond. She pushed past Lexa, muttering another sorry and exited the room.

She had a lot of work to do. This was essentially her fault and she needed to fix it. Lexa had all right to be an ass she thought, swiping at the tears that threatened to flood. God she had royally messed this up. Clarke got into the shower as she heard the front door open and Anya’s wail of a greeting; yup the day had begun.

 

/  
She saw a missed text from her dad when she finished getting dressed and opted to call him back instead. It would make it easier to share all that was happening if she were talking. The phone rang twice before she heard her dad’s soothing voice come over the line.

“Hey kiddo,”

“Hi dad, how are you?”

“Well I’m not floating around in space, so that’s a plus,” Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at his words. Only Jake Griffin could make a joke so morbidly true it was funny.

“Yeah I guess not,”

“What’s wrong?”

“I messed up with Lexa again,” there was silence on the other end for a long while before Jake responded.

“Well, your mom had me killed and I still would choose her every time,”

Clarke didn’t know how to respond to what her dad had just shared so she didn’t and he didn’t push her. They talked for a few more minutes and he had her promise to tell him how the Costia thing went and to tell Bellamy ‘hi.’

 

//  
The doorbell rang and Aden volunteered to get it. The rest of the gang sat silent and nervous in the living room. Lexa had claimed the single seat, with Anya perched on the side whispering to her. Indra, Octavia and Raven sat in the couch and Clarke stood off to the side just waiting. The double seater was left for Costia and Bellamy, being that no one had heard from Jasper and Monty all morning.

There was talking at the door and Clarke heard the distinct shrillness of Costia’s voice and a laughter that was too deep to be Aden’s, must be Bellamy. Octavia bolted out of her seat then and she was colliding with Bellamy as they rounded the entrance of the living room.

They fell to the ground with Bellamy luckily cushioning Octavia’s fall. Indra squirmed uncomfortably on the couch Clarke noted and she could understand the sentiment. Aden was laughing at something Costia said and Clarke had almost forgotten that he had known her both times. She forced herself not to look over at Lexa, afraid of what she would see.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then. Bellamy and Octavia scrambled to their feet and Bell froze when his eyes met hers. Clarke saw Costia’s face become shocked, eyes wide and mouth hung open as she faced the direction where Lexa was. Lexa was moving now, and Clarke watched as the two of them stood facing each other. Time stood still then.

 

//  
Lexa stood stationary as soft brown eyes took her in. Costia was alive. Costia was here. Lexa thought she would have felt something more than simple shock and relief, but there was nothing else there. She definitely could acknowledge that Costia was still beautiful, but it wasn’t something that attracted her anymore, and for that she was thankful.

Stepping forward again as she found motion in her legs once more, Lexa enveloped the brunette in a hug and the tears started then. Tears of hurt. Tears of guilt. Tears of relief. Tears of gratefulness. Tears of a love lost. Tears of beginning again. She was a blubbering mess of almost howling and snot. She was sure her pride was diminishing, but she couldn’t help it.

“You’re going to be okay Lexa,”

She could hear Costia whispering in her ear as the girl tried to comfort her, but it didn’t help. The tears were more forceful it seemed and she could see Clarke from the corner of her eye. It was obvious Clarke was worried, but Lexa could see her holding back from moving, as if trying not to interrupt. Lexa felt her throat closing up. Fuck, she couldn’t breathe. This was all too much and too soon.

Lexa’s body was failing her drastically. Fuck, she tried to apologize to Costia and it came out like a gasp— too fast and too short. She felt herself losing consciousness. She turned fully towards Clarke then, pleading with her eyes, voice unable to echo how she felt. Her _skai Prisa_ was on her in an instant, and Costia was pushed somewhere to the side.

Blue eyes trapped hers and Clarke allowed them to collapse. She could feel Clarke’s hand massaging her scalp and the other was squeezing her right hand. Clarke was saying something, but Lexa couldn’t focus on the words. It was like her ears only picked up rumbling. She could feel her eyes closing again, her vision foggy and then lips— wait, what?

Clarke was kissing her. Lips were moving against her still ones and she tried to respond, but she couldn’t. Her mind was less spotty now, but she couldn’t compel her body to move. Clarke’s hand was still massaging her scalp and scratching a little bit, but Clarke’s other hand was now squeezing her thigh. She still couldn’t breathe, but it wasn’t from the tightness in her chest. That feeling had faded. It was due to her holding her breath for the kiss.

That realization seemed to kick start her body, for her hands came up to grab Clarke’s neck a little too roughly because she heard Clarke grunt. Lexa didn’t care because now her lips were moving and Clarke’s lips were soft, her tongue pillowy, probing and possessive. Lexa sighed, finally feeling the shreds of the attack fade out of her body, just as the kiss ended.

“What was that?” Lexa whispered looking at hooded blue eyes.

“I thought it would help,” Clarke replied looking away from Lexa’s emotion filled green eyes.

“It did. Because I had to hold my breath right?” Lexa asked, her hand snaking out to Clarke’s chin forcing the girl to look at her. All Clarke did was nod and Lexa knew it was her way of not wanting to push anymore boundaries being that they weren’t on the best of terms right now.

“Thank you,” and Lexa reached forward pecking Clarke’s lips again, whispering so only she could hear, “I love you.”

The moment was broken of course, when Anya coughed and Raven laughed. Lexa and Clarke who were still sitting on the ground turned to face the group. All eyes were on them now and Lexa felt herself blush.

“So it’s still true then?” Costia spoke up staring directly at Lexa and Clarke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yester—” Clarke started to speak and Costia cut her off with a wave of her hand.

“Screw that! I’ve never seen Lexa so soft and emotional, panic attack or not and I used to make her cum,” Costia added her laughter ringing out, “It looks like we have the same taste in women then— gorgeous, blonde and blue eyes, huh Lexa?”

Lexa bristled at that, remembering how Clarke had allowed Costia to caress her hand just the day before and she was about to say something when she felt soft hands in hers. Looking at the blonde she saw pleading eyes, sorry eyes and eyes begging her to relax. Lexa sighed nodding. Looking back at Clarke’s face she saw the blonde mouth the words, _ai hod yu in_ and Lexa could do nothing but smile.

“Now that we got all this sappy shit out of the way and know that no one wants to steal anyone from anyone, can we get to the fucking catching up!?” Raven bellowed and Anya high fived her.

They were children Lexa thought as she heard everyone else snicker. Costia wiggled her eyebrows and went to go hug everyone. It was going to be a good day after all Lexa figured as she got to her feet and reached her hand out for Clarke. They were going to be okay, until someone knocked Bellamy out that is. Lexa wondered how mad everyone would be if she laughed.


	8. She Says, "Wait A Minute, Honey, I'ma Add It Up!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Departures and a new/old face. Fluff I guess.  
> Abby sasses Clarke...lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to those liking this fic and leaving kudos and comments. Ya’ll are amazing and every time you interact with me through this fic I wish I could meet all of ya’ll. Cheers lovelies!

**“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.” ― C. JoyBell C.**

“I’m sorry you know,” Lexa started waiting for Clarke to shift and to face her.

“This past year I kept a part of your life from you. You were dreaming it and I didn’t know what to do. And then after, I was just so glad that everyone was remembering I forgot to ask how you were doing with it all. Mind you, you barely gave me a chance, but I forgot that you may not have been okay. I've had years to process everything, but I didn't help you cope.”

“I should have said something,” Clarke spoke up, “I should have talked instead of screaming at you. I am sorry Lexa, for everything. I promise that next time—”

“Next time! How many more fights are we planning to have?” Lexa asked chuckling.

“Well Costia does have soft hands which are bound to get cold in Iceland,” Clarke replied with a smirk that got wiped from her face by the pillow Lexa flung that connected with a smack.

“But your hands are magic,” Clarke said grinning and throwing the pillow right back at Lexa. That was how their night of talking started.

“Touché,” Lexa added smiling.

 

//  
The day had passed smoothly. They had reconnected easily and everyone it seemed loved Costia. There were no awkward touches or glances and Lexa was grateful. She wasn’t sorry she had overreacted at the restaurant, except for the tears and exhaustion it had caused she wouldn’t have changed anything. Well maybe some things.

She and Clarke had talked after everyone had left. They had hashed out almost all their fears and differences. The feelings part was easy. The saying it out loud part was harder, but they had done it. It had taken all night and into early Sunday morning and more than once Lexa had to face plant Clarke with a pillow for her joking around. There had been no sex or deep heated kisses, but the intimacy of finally hearing each other’s thoughts was comforting.

Falling asleep next to each other had been the highlight, well second highlight of Lexa’s day. As Lexa lay beside a sleeping Clarke she thought back to her panic attack and how she had never expected it to happen much less for Clarke to get her out of it like that. She definitely wasn’t complaining though.

The clock on the side table read 4:25 a.m. in five minutes it would ring and she and Clarke would head out to pick up their friends on campus to meet up with Costia and Bellamy at the airport. Monday had come faster than expected and after just reuniting they were saying goodbye again. It was sad, but also kind of relieving in that neither of them had to worry about the rekindling of any flames.

Lexa knew that in the past Bellamy had had a thing for Clarke, now though it seemed he was completely enamored by Costia and she was glad. Just as glad as she bet Clarke was that Costia wasn’t trying to hook up with her. Things were working out and Lexa was glad.

Being the only two with vehicles, they were going to drive separately to campus, pick everyone up and then switch out. Aden was going to commandeer the SUV from Clarke and take Jasper, Raven, Anya and Monty with him. Clarke, Octavia and Indra would ride with her.

Aden had tried to convince her to let him drive her BMW, but she wasn’t having it. Nope, their bro-dom wasn’t that strong yet. When she had expressed that he had pouted, mirroring just how Clarke looked whenever she pouted. Clarke had laughed at him and she had just smirked.

She felt Clarke shifting beside her. The hand around her waist tightened just as the alarm went off. Figures Clarke would fall deeper into sleep when it was actually time to wake up. She heard Clarke mumble something inaudible and she nudged her again.

“Clarke, we have to get up and get ready,” Lexa spoke rubbing her hand against Clarke’s upper arm.

“Five more babe,” Clarke muttered trying to snuggle closer to Lexa.

Lexa rolled her eyes and sat up, effectively pulling Clarke up with her and then she made her way to a standing position. That effectively startled the blonde awake and Lexa watched Clarke rub her eyes.

“Do we have to?” Clarke asked pouting.

“You were the one who promised, so let’s go,” Lexa replied pulling Clarke towards the shower. Yeah, Clarke would learn her lesson from making early morning promises.

 

//  
Everyone was hugging and laughing and trying not to cry, even Jasper and Monty who had only just met Costia. They had decided not to actually go inside the airport and do their goodbyes out front so as not to open the waterworks and be the typical people at airports saying goodbyes. It was still difficult.

Clarke watched as her friends expressed their goodbyes, promising to text and skype and she smiled at the scene. Turns out Bellamy was not going to Iceland. He had wanted to transfer, but couldn’t in good faith up and leave without at least properly reconnecting with Octavia. He was planning to visit Iceland for Christmas though, and that seemed to placate both Costia and Octavia.

The time counted down and Clarke watched as Costia and Bellamy headed inside the airport alone. She stood beside Lexa and took in the scene. In this moment everyone was happy and Clarke prayed that it would continue. She and Lexa had talked and came to an understanding. Things weren’t as fragile as they had been the past few days and that was inherently progress.

The drive back to campus was quiet. She sat shotgun to Lexa hands entwined across the console. It was barely sunset when they dropped everyone off and made it home. Clarke had gotten out of the SUV and went over to Lexa’s car before the brunette received the chance to exit. She slid back into the passenger seat and watched the puzzled look unfurl on Lexa’s face.

“What are you doing Clarke?”

“Can we go somewhere?” Clarke asked. Her voice was a little over a whisper and she watched Lexa think for a minute and then the brunette was putting back on her seatbelt and putting the car into drive. Clarke hurriedly did her seatbelt up as well.

“Where do you want to go?”

Lexa looked over at Clarke after she backed out of the driveway. They would be missing school she thought, but the look of desperation in Clarke’s eyes was enough to warrant one ditch day so far for the term. It’s not like professors actually cared if they turned up to classes seeing that they weren’t graded based on attendance.

Clarke shrugged and Lexa decided to go East. She turned right at the next intersection and quickly sped up revving the car into full gear. The sun was coming full frontal now and Lexa dropped her visor so as to avoid the glare. From the corner of her eye she could see Clarke staring out the window. The utter joy and peace plastered on her girlfriend’s face was beautiful.

Lexa smiled a little and continued driving. Having no specific destination did kind of bother her, but it was freeing. As if they were leaving their problems behind them. There were barely any cars on the road at this time of the morning and Lexa easily switched lanes when she saw an exit for a diner up ahead. It came into view not even five minutes later and Lexa pulled into the parking lot and stopped.

She pulled off her seatbelt and turned to face Clarke who she realized, was already staring at her. She easily found herself lost in blue eyes, entranced by plump lips and rosy cheeks that she wanted to caress and to kiss. God Clarke was beautiful, but in this light she was ethereally stunning and Lexa remembered the first time she had seen Clarke in her tent.

_Clarke had been all full of pride and purpose that easily overshadowed the obvious fear exuding from her and Lexa had had to try hard keep a straight face and not betray her people for a pretty face. She remembered thinking of those Literature books she had read before beginning her training as Commander and the face that launched a thousand ships. That first day, the day they had faced the pauna and when she had left Clarke at the mountain all brought that quote to her mind and how she had to fight her feelings to be strong enough for more than just herself._

“Can I kiss you?”

Clarke’s question brought her out of her head and Lexa blinked quickly trying to bring herself back to the present and give an answer to Clarke’s question. She could see Clarke looking at her lips. She could feel the pull towards each other permeating the car and Lexa refused to dwell on their stupidity anymore. In an eager moment she leaned across the console grasped Clarke’s collar and pulled their lips together.

The kiss was slow at first. Their lips moved tenderly awaiting permission and Clarke granted it with open welcoming lips. Lexa changed the pace of the kiss, deepening it. It was passionate and intimate and Clarke figured she could kiss Lexa forever. Clarke poured all her emotions into the kiss. It was purposeful and hopeful.

They parted slowly resting their foreheads together slightly panting. If it was up to Lexa, they would head back home and move this further along, but she knew Clarke needed the moment away from the house, from school and their friends. It was so easy for them to have bitten each other’s heads off recently with everything going on, but here when they were alone, it was easy to remember who they had been before. Yes they had fallen hard and fast, but memories or not, it was real.

“Come on,” Lexa motioned to Clarke as she got out of the car and made her way over to the diner door. Looking over her shoulder she realized Clarke was shaking her head and grinning. She held the door open and waited, allowing Clarke to walk in first.

The diner isn’t homey. It’s sterile clean and the scent of coffee and bacon is strong in the air. There are tables not booths and apparently it’s self-seating. Lexa grabs a menu, takes Clarke’s hand and moves them to left of the diner far away from the kitchen window, so that they aren’t bombarded by the noise coming from there.

There are three other people as customers in the diner at this hour. One is a woman in her mid-forties maybe, with a child who looks about ten. Behind her and the kid about two seats back is a balding man reading a paper and nursing a hot cup of something, obviously waiting on his food.

As they sit, they are greeted by a waitress, Taylor, who brings them both glasses of water and tells them that she will be back in five minutes or less to take their order. The waitress recommended a few items before she walked away and they both thanked her. They look at the menu, scanning through the breakfast section and noting the items the waitress recommended. They do look good.

“Hi again, are you guys ready?” the waitress asks coming back over to stand at their table pen and notepad at the ready.

“I’ll have the chocolate chip pancakes with a side of bacon and coffee thanks,” Clarke responds looking away from the menu and at Taylor noting how she nods as she jots the things down.

“Uhm, French toast, cheese, bacon and whatever fruit you guys have today thanks,” and Lexa hands the menu back to Taylor when she finishes taking the order.

“No tea or coffee?” Taylor asks Lexa and Lexa shakes her head.

“I would like water refills though if that’s okay?” Lexa replies and Taylor nods and heads off to the kitchen.

There is silence at the table then and Clarke doesn’t see a need to fill it. It’s not uncomfortable and it gives her time to stare discreetly at Lexa. The girl she was in love with, and who loved her regardless of how much of an idiot she had been these past few days was sitting directly in front of her in a diner somewhere just after seven in the morning and she felt the serenity of the moment hit her gradually. She was brought out of her creeping when Taylor came back over with their orders.

As Lexa digs in she notices Clarke finally focus her eyes on something else and Lexa smiles. The food is good and she whoops silently noticing the fruits she got were pineapples and strawberries. She takes a sip of her water and Clarke steals a piece of pineapple from her plate. The waitress checks in on them again ensuring they were satisfied and Clarke again steals another piece of fruit with the distraction. When Taylor walks off Lexa turns her attention to Clarke.

“You know you could’ve ordered your own fruit,” Lexa comments with an eyebrow raised.

“Ehhh,” Clarke shrugs and continues spearing food into her mouth, “no fun in that,”

Lexa just shakes her head and continues eating. The moment between them is nice and as Lexa finishes up she motions to the waiter for the check. She leaves a few pieces of fruit in her dish and when Clarke eagerly snatches them up Lexa just smirks knowingly. Next time she will definitely order two dishes of fruit.

Taylor finally comes by with the bill and Lexa hands her a twenty dollar note telling her to keep the change. She smiles at her one last time, grabs Clarke’s hand and they make their way out of the diner and back to the car with barely a space in between them.

 

//  
Aden had only gotten a half-hour’s extra sleep before his eight o’ clock class. He was running on coffee plain and simple. Jasper and Monty had decided that a real life Call of Duty experience was needed after waking at 4:30 a.m. driving to the airport and back. So that was how when Aden had finally fallen asleep at 6: 00 a.m. he had been rudely awaken at about 6:30 by things being launched at his head.

He rounded the corner of the biology building head down rushing to not be late for his class. He felt a shove in his shoulder and then a body colliding with his as they fell to the ground. Great Aden thought as he tried to pry himself from beneath the body; female body. He stood up and reached out an arm to the girl. When she took it and found her footing once more, he lost his breath.

Aden hadn’t expected this. He was met with shocked brown eyes, wild bushy dark hair with the haphazard red streaks, just as he remembered it. Her expression was serious and even though her eyes betrayed her obvious surprise, her face didn’t show it. Aden was stumped and even though his mouth opened, no words were coming out. She still had that edgy style, ripped jeans, leather jacket and combat boots.

“Aden,” the sound of his name, well essentially the sound of her voice dragged him back to reality.

“Luna, how are you here?” Aden still couldn’t believe what was directly in front of him.

“Pre-Law here at Polis,”

“Wow,” he still didn’t know what to say and he was making an ass out of himself for sure and right now he couldn’t even help it.

They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity until Aden felt a hand in his and then he was being dragged back through the doors. He watched Luna pull him to god knows where but suddenly she just stopped. He saw her face contort, obviously thinking hard and then she spun around to face him.

“You don’t have a girlfriend do you?” Luna asked hesitantly breaking the silence as she bit her lip. Aden thought it was the cutest little gesture if he had ever seen one.

“Of course not,” Aden replied confident and almost a little hint of anger tainting his voice wondering why Luna would think he had all of a sudden become an asshole.

“I had to check Aden, calm down,” and she was pulling him again and there was a grin splitting his face so wide it hurt. Because she had realized her question irked him and fuck they’d only been back in contact for a few minutes now. He had no idea where she was leading him, even if it were to his death right now, he probably still wouldn’t complain.

How had he let this girl go before? The girl who smelled like the sun, salt and the ocean breeze. The girl who had the personality of a tamed warrior. The girl who Lexa as the Commander had told him stories of in the past. The girl who had been his girlfriend once, till he had had to move away and she said she wouldn’t do distance therefore cutting off their communication.

The girl who had awakened his sister’s Sapphic desires (okay that one was weird to think of). The girl who was here now, currently dragging him away from his education. Abby would definitely scold him, Jake would laugh and Clarke would probably hi-five him. He didn’t care, so he just continued allowing himself to be led.

 

//  
They were back to driving and Clarke still had no specific destination in mind. She had however convinced Lexa to let her drive this time around, and gosh the feel of the car under her control was making her ecstatic. She tried not to go too fast, but the almost silent purring of the engine and the breeze blasting like shards through the driver’s window was enough to keep her steady.

She didn’t dare look across at Lexa for fear of being distracted and crashing and killing them again. Clarke doubted that this time around any god would take pity on them and bring them back. First chances were rare enough at love, second chances were improbable and third chances were well basically impossible.

She pulled off the highway and realized based on the GPS that she was about twenty minutes away from the university. If they wanted, they could still get back to school in time to meet the rest of their classes. On Monday their schedules were the same: 8:00 a.m., 11:00 a.m. and they ended with class at 3:00 p.m., so really though, they had only missed one class. She pulled to a stop and quickly turned to face Lexa.

“Do you wanna go back for classes babe?”

“I thought you wanted to go somewhere,” Lexa responded turning in her seat to face Clarke.

She had wanted to know what was on Clarke’s mind to have spurred the spontaneous need for a drive to begin with, but she hadn’t asked, Clarke would tell her eventually. She reached across and grasped Clarke’s hand squeezing. Her palm was warm and soft and Lexa immediately felt grounded, safe: home.

“I do, but you love school so…” Clarke shrugged trying to look away from the piercing green orbs trained on her.

“Continue driving till you get to Polis park, it’s quiet in the mornings,” Lexa replied bring Clarke’s hand to her lips placing soft kisses on the knuckles before letting go and facing forward once more. Clarke put the car back into gear and did as she was told.

 

//  
**Octavia** are you meeting me for lunch?

Octavia sent the text out and grabbed her bag from the desk and made her way out of the class. This morning at the airport had been draining. She hadn’t known Costia long, but she felt every emotion for the rest of her friends who had, especially Bellamy who was obviously heart over head in love with the girl. Her phone buzzed and she unlocked it.

 **Indra** coffee shop or ELYCIA’S?

 **Octavia** coffee shop works. See ya soon

Octavia pocketed the phone and headed in the direction of the coffee shop. She was nervous to say the least. Yes, she and Indra had gotten close, but they hadn’t done anything but mere kisses on the cheek, hugging and simple hand holding. No, Octavia wasn’t planning on rushing things, but she needed to know where they stood. She needed to know if the feelings she had were the same feelings Indra had, or if she was just being a good friend.

Octavia couldn’t be like Raven and joke about everything, using sarcasm to pretend as if the things she felt weren’t real. Raven may have been able to survive like that and Anya probably liked it because Anya was a total personality clash with Raven. Octavia needed actual words though, said and meant so she knew what actions to take or not.

She pushed open the door to the coffee shop, waved to Anya behind the counter and found a seat off to the side waiting on Indra to show. Her foot tapped excessively beneath the table and she gave up trying to make it stop because for one, it wasn’t working.

“You’re going to break your knee,” Indra said laughing as she placed a kiss on Octavia’s cheek before pulling out the chair and plopping herself into it. Octavia was looking skeptically at her, almost scared even and Indra wondered about what was bothering her. She decided to sit patiently and wait for Octavia to speak up.

“You look nice,” Octavia replied, and Indra did really look good.

Her hair wasn’t as spiky as it had been at the airport this morning. She had obviously rubbed some form of gel in it, taming the small wily curls. Instead of the sweats she had worn earlier, Indra was now in khaki shorts which worked expertly to show off her muscled calves. Indra had paired it with an almost blood red button down shirt that was tucked in baggily with the sleeves rolled up. The look was completed with a thing gold thread of a belt and khaki colored oxford shoes.

There was a smirk plastered on Indra’s lips and the blush which stained Octavia’s face was prominent when she realized she had been caught with her obvious staring. She needed to work on her subtly. She had definitely been better at this observing people thing as her post-apocalyptic self. Now, not so much and for some reason she almost didn’t care.

“We actually gonna eat?” Indra asked her and Octavia merely shrugged and looked towards the board at the front with the menu of the day written in chalk on it. She decided on a simple ham and cheese sandwich and looked back towards Indra conveying her choice. She watched as Indra got up and go straight to Anya and god was she being a pervert right now. She turned away and hung her head focusing back on her phone.

“Anya’s gonna sort us out,” Indra said coming back to the table and sitting down.

“Indra, I need to ask you something,” Octavia started and sighed loudly before continuing.

“Okay so, I know we had different roles in the past and it wasn’t romantic, but I feel things for you now, and you have been kissing my cheek and holding my hand, but I don’t know what we are or have been doing and it could just be you being friendly, and I wouldn’t want to screw this up if that’s the case, but I—”

Octavia stopped talking when she realized Indra was laughing at her, like what the fuck. Here she was trying to bare her stupid feelings which were difficult enough to have, but now Indra was outright mocking her? How did that happen? She never took Indra for being this cold. Sigh.

Of course the universe would fuck her over again. Take Lincoln and make him permanently unavailable and now Indra didn’t feel the same way. Octavia took her phone from the table and made to stand up when she felt fingers close around her wrist. She looked behind her and the smile painting Indra’s lips pissed her off.

“Would you stop laughing at me!” Octavia snapped trying to pull herself from Indra’s grasp.

“Sit down my second and listen to me,” Indra said pulling on Octavia’s hand forcing her back into the seat. Octavia huffed out as she sat, her hand was finally released and she crossed her arms over her chest waiting, unwilling to say anything else and continue making a fool of herself.

“I wasn’t laughing at what you were saying meizen (beautiful), but you were blabbering like a nervous idiot and it was cute and I couldn’t help but be amused. I’m sorry it seemed as if I was laughing at you. I do you know, feel the same way, but I thought maybe you needed time after—” Indra paused and looked away from Octavia, she didn’t want to pour salt in an unhealed wound.

“After Lincoln you mean,” Octavia completed in a whisper and watched Indra nod.

“I do need time. I’m not still in love with him, but I do feel drawn to you. I don’t know what it means, but I’m willing to try Indra. I say we go slowly. I wouldn’t want you to think that you’re some sort of replacement for the love I lost, because you’re not,” Octavia said and saw Indra nod again.

There was a small uptick of a smile ghosting Indra’s lips even though she didn’t reply. Nothing else could be said, as Anya came over right at that moment with their food. Indra had ordered the loaded potato wedgies and looking at it, Octavia regretted her simple ham and cheese choice.

“Okay,”

“What?” Octavia asked looking up from her sandwich and fries, hand stretching out for her Pepsi.

“Yes, I would love to try with you,” Indra smiled wide and Octavia grinned in return. This had gone better than her nervous heart had expected.

“You can also taste my wedgies. I can see your lustful eyes sizing my plate up,”

“Maybe that’s not all I’m sizing up,” Octavia quipped back, and she noted how Indra gulped.

Octavia speared the wedgies off the plate and moaned when the seasoned cheese covered potatoes touched her lips. Best lunch ever she thought.

 

//  
They had been lying in the grass for what seemed like hours. It reminded Clarke of their first time under the stars that night back in Forks. The only difference was, now it was day and there were people around and anything beyond probably kissing would most likely get them arrested. She laughed to herself and Lexa turned to face her.

“Hey,” Clarke whispered, eyes flicking from Lexa’s eyes to her lips.

“Hi Clarke,”

The smile Lexa threw at her had Clarke’s mind fogging up. She was remembering that night and she could feel goosebumps prickling her skin. Her phone rang then and Clarke raised a hand to Lexa and plucked it out of pocket. The contact flashed _Mom_.

“Hi mom. What’s up?” Clarke chirped.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“Why would you call me if you knew I’d be in class mom?” Clarke deadpanned and heard her mom scoff on the other end. Lexa was now staring interestingly at her and Clarke just smirked.

“Sure Clarke, be rude to your mother who carried you for 9 months and all that jazz,” and Clarke laughed at her mom’s idea of sarcasm. If Abby wasn’t a mother Clarke didn’t know what other material she would use to joke.

“Oh mother,” Clarke fawned, “I’m sorry. Now on to the real reason you called, so I can get back to that education you and father pay for.”

 “Whatever Clarke. There is a work party this weekend. Your dad and I want you there,”

“Yours or his work?” Clarke questions though either way it is a big affair and would generally be the same set of people, Forks being a small town and all.

“Hospital party. Some charity thing. Take Lexa okay. I was calling your brother, but he didn’t answer so I texted him, make sure he checks his messages please.”

“Of course mom. I’ll tell him,” Clarke responded watching as Lexa looked mesmerized by the sky. Clarke couldn’t help but smile.

“Great. I’ll call you later this week with the details. Bye Clarke, love you.”

“Love you too mom,” and Clarke hung up pocketing the phone.

Lexa turned back to her then and Clarke smiled at her again. Their hands entwined and Clarke leaned in to place a soft chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips. When she pulled away, Lexa chased after her lips and Clarke grinned. Lexa was too precious and Clarke was extremely lucky for all of this.

“So, you and me, fancy clothes, wine and finger food Saturday night,” Clarke propositioned Lexa raising her eyebrow and smirking slightly.

“You asking me on a date Griffin?”

“I wish. It’s a work thing for my mom, but I mean afterwards…” and Clarke let her voice trail away as Lexa arched her brow and smiled as they lay in the grass drinking in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Party next chapter and fluff....Ranya too.


	9. Before The Missile Hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dressing up and going out because we were meant to turn heads and break hearts. Hospital party. Fluff happens. Just a really cool chapter; at least that’s what I hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I finally have a Tumblr account now come hit me up and question me and let’s chat cuz like I said, anyone who is a Clexa lover is awesome------ @aleksagrey93

**“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” — Pope Paul VI**

 

Lexa breathed out slowly as she caught her breath. After a week of studying and making up for the day of classes she had missed on Monday Lexa needed to expel her stress. The strain of her muscles, the trickle of sweat and her workout mix were a welcome relief from everything. She wiped the sweat from her face and flung the towel over her shoulder as she made her way out of the gym.

It was just after sunset as Lexa quickly made her way to her car, unlocked it and got in. She hoped that Clarke didn’t have anything planned for the evening because she just wanted a night in. Her limbs felt heavy and exhausted, languid even. Lexa put the car into gear and headed off campus. Her heart was still thumping a little too loudly and her pulse was still a bit rapid. Winding down the window Lexa had to force herself not to close her eyes when she felt the cool air wash over her face and neck.

She pulled into the driveway beside Clarke’s SUV shut off the engine and headed inside. The lights were on in the house and Lexa could hear sounds coming the second bedroom of the house. Clarke often painted in that room and it doubled as a library to hold Lexa’s books. The lightning in that room was perfect especially in the mornings and Lexa smiled as she thought of all the mornings this week where she woke up alone to hear Clarke painting.

She was glad that she and Clarke were on good terms again because it got the blonde back to painting, and a Clarke that was painting was always good. Painting for Clarke was equivalent to working out for Lexa. The parallels were not unique to them, but it was their new Friday destressing soon to be routine.

“Clarke, you here?” Lexa called out as she threw her gym bag down and left her shoes by the door.

She heard muffled voices coming from the room and Lexa made her way in that direction. Pushing the door open, she saw Clarke set up before an easel with a brush in her hand. Clarke’s hair was in a messy bun, and she wore a ripped tank top with cutoff jeans. Clarke’s feet were bare and they swung idly from the stool where she sat.

Lexa had thought that maybe one of their friends were with her, but looking closely she realized the room was empty and Clarke was talking to her phone on the desk next to her which was on speaker phone. The voice on the other end spoke again and Lexa easily recognized it as Abby’s. Clarke looked up at her and smiled and Lexa felt her chest flutter.

She made her way out of the room in order to give Clarke some privacy, and went towards the bathroom. Lexa needed to shower and relax for a little bit. It was amazing that last week at this time she and Clarke had been arguing. She was glad that was over with and yeah maybe if she had told Anya what was going on, Anya would have told her to hold out a little bit longer on her forgiveness, but Lexa didn’t see the point in staying mad and preventing them from healing.

After everything that had happened to them in the past, Lexa just didn’t want them to just continue surviving. It was time to live and damn if she wasn’t going to be the one to ensure that now they did, live that is. She turned on the shower, and allowed the tension from her muscles to seep out.

“Babe,”

Lexa heard Clarke’s voice on the other end of the door followed by a knock. She turned off the water and reached for her towel wrapping it securely around her body, before stepping out of the shower. She opened the door and stepped into their room to see Clarke splayed out on the bed with her feet up on the wall staring at her phone. The sight before her was too cute and she grabbed her clothes from the door headed back into the bathroom to get dressed, so she could join Clarke. The night was supposed to be quiet and she figured starting with cuddles could only make it better.

 

 

//  
“I’m perfectly capable of walking myself home Raven,” Anya grumbled as she locked the front door of the coffee shop.

It was just a little past ten. It was late yes, but there was security on campus and a million and one fog lights. She normally closed up twice a week and so far since she had met Raven she was always outside waiting on her those nights to walk with her. Yes, maybe she had been the one to text the brunette asking for the company that first night, but since then – two weeks – Raven had always been present.

“I know,” Raven replied and Anya glanced at her curiously. Normally Raven had a lot to say and a million jokes to make, but tonight, she was just here. There was no spunk, no moxy and definitely no Raven. It was strange.

“Something on your mind?” Anya prodded trying to get the girl to talk, but the only response she got was a grunt.

Well if Raven wasn’t going to talk Anya wouldn’t force her. Anya veered them in the direction of the dorms and it was obvious Raven’s head was elsewhere because she didn’t even realize they had not been heading towards Anya’s house until Anya basically patted her down for the key and let them into the dorm.

“What are you— we doing here?” Raven mumbled looking around her obviously confused by their surroundings.

“You’re not okay, I took you home,” Anya shrugged, taking off her jacket and sinking to Raven’s bed.

“I’m supposed to be walking you home though,” Raven was shaking her head with wide eyes and a frown.

“Come here,” Anya extended her arm and waited for Raven to move towards her. When the brunette was within arm’s reach, Anya grasped her hand and tugged Raven down to the bed beside her.

“Talk to me,” it was a plea if Anya ever heard herself make one and if anyone was around she would have shrugged it off instantly.

The room was silent then. Anya could hear Raven’s heavy choked breathing. It was unsteady and cracked. Anya said nothing. She rubbed the back of Raven’s hand which was still in hers and watched the girl take breaths that almost too deep to be natural. She almost wanted to snap at Raven and tell her to hurry and talk, but another part of her wanted to soothe the girl endlessly.

She shot off a text to Indra, asking her to keep Octavia out of the dorms a little while longer and she was pleased by the almost immediate response agreeing. Indra had told her that she and Octavia were figuring things out and Anya was happy for them. God knows they both needed it, for they were too much alike and too easily judged as hard to love and Anya figured that yeah it had to have been them for each other considering everything.

“I like you,” Raven started speaking and Anya had to crane her neck around to hear the whispers that the girl was breathing out, “a lot. But I don’t know what to do with that,”

Anya was almost sure that she wasn’t supposed to say anything, but she needed to understand what Raven was going on about.

“Okay. You like me, but that’s not what’s bothering you,” Anya responded with a squeeze to Raven’s hand.

“I don’t think you can like me enough,” Raven whispered again and this time it was softer than before if that were even possible Anya thought.

“What do you mean Raven? Why wouldn’t you be enough?”

“Finn didn—” and Anya had to stop her there.

“Finn was an idiot Raven. A coward who was only thinking with his dick. He came down with the hundred and started messing around with Clarke, and that’s not your fault or even Clarke’s fault. That’s on him. He is the one that isn’t enough, and if I see him I’m going to make sure he knows that. Okay?” Anya chided Raven ensuring her words were firm, but not scolding.

“You’re beautiful and hella smart and anyone would be lucky to have you Raven,” Anya continued, pausing only when she felt Raven slam into her. The brunette was clinging to her and Anya let her arms come up to rest on Raven’s back holding her tightly.

“What?” Anya pulled back in an attempt to hear whatever it was that Raven mumbled into her neck.

“Are you…” Raven started and stopped speaking.

“Am I what Raven?” Anya prodded, slowly rubbing circles into Raven’s back.

“lucky… to have me?” the question came out on a whispered breath and Raven burrowed further into her.

“Yes,”

Anya answered as confidently and as quietly as she could. There was no verbal response from Raven, but Anya noted the shift in her body and the jerking of her shoulders. Raven was crying and Anya didn’t know what to do, so she held her tightly and continued rubbing her back.

 

 

//  
They were supposed to be wining and dining these high rollers. Schmoozing the big players to ensure they donate everything and more than they need to for the cause of the hospital fundraiser. It was in aid of the children’s ward Clarke knew, but talking to these people was putting her in conniptions.

She leaned against the bar and nursed her virgin cranberry mix wishing it were something alcoholic, but her mother had ensured the bartender didn’t give her children or their date’s alcohol. Honestly, lame move from Abby Griffin and Clarke thought back to how the Woods hadn’t even thought of that at the last party she had gone.

Her eyes scanned the crowd taking in the old architecture of the building and the art pieces on the wall. One day she thinks, one of these pieces will showcase her talent as well. Her eyes find Lexa easily. She is dressed in a black suede jacket rolled up at the sleeves, pieced with a white shirt cuffed at the forearms, a black dress pants that ends just above her ankles and a pair of black stilettos. Their eyes meet and Clarke watches Lexa finish up whatever conversation she was having and she makes her way over.

“You look bored,” Lexa says voice heavy as she allows her hand to rest on the right side of Clarke’s arm.

“I’m just more annoyed if anything,” Clarke counters leaning her body forward to press against Lexa and sink her face into the brunette’s neck.

“Come on guys!” Aden interrupted them throwing his hands in the air, “no sex in the hospital.”

Aden laughed as he watched their heads spin around. Clarke was glaring at him and Lexa just smirked. He silently whooped, glad they had started going back to the ‘them’ they were before the memories came collapsing forward. He had hated the thought that if shit did go haywire he’d have to choose between them.

He watched his date saunter over to him, and he smiled lovingly at her. Luna was in Polis for school and hence they were giving their relationship another chance, so here they were in Forks at his mom’s work party. How he had forgotten to call Luna of the Boat People when everyone had gotten their memory back was beyond him, but he was glad that it seemed fate was hell bent on intervening.

First it was with Costia and Bellamy and now Luna. Aden prayed however that the Red She Devil of his dreams however hot, didn’t send them Finn. He was sure some of their group would go to prison if that jerk showed his face or his stupid hair or his debilitating smirk anywhere near them.

“I see you found company while I was gone A,” Luna said, wrapping her arm around Aden’s bicep.

“LuunA!” Clarke perked up moving away from the bar to throw her arms around the shorter girl.

“Ha ha. Hey Clarkie,” Luna laughed out and hugged Clarke back kissing her cheek.

“When Aden told me you were coming I was super excited,” Clarke practically sung out.

“Still excited apparently,” Lexa countered and reached out for Luna, practically pulling the girl away from Clarke so she could get a hug in herself.

“Hi Luna,” Lexa practically cooed, burying her head in Luna’s neck and squeezing tightly.

“I was so happy when A told me you were okay Heda. I missed you,” Luna responded hugging Lexa back securely.

“Can I have my girlfriend back now please,” Aden requested placing an arm on Luna’s lower back.

Luna stepped back and fitted herself snuggly in Aden’s side with a smile. It was uncanny the resemblance between Aden and Clarke she thought, but now they seemed different. It was more separate she thought, like they had finally found their own identities apart from being twins and screwing with everyone as they did back in high school. She figured it was seeing them in a new light because of her memories being back that made the distinction clearer to her.

Lexa though surprised her. Yes the Commander had been in love before and always had emotions, but this was different from Costia and different from the friendship she and Lexa had shared in the past. This seemed otherworldly, as if Lexa and Clarke were resonating on a different frequency. She was happy for her friends and that they had found something in each other that was worth waking up for every morning and tackling each day.

“Everybody having fun?” Jake came up to them, “Oh Luna! Aden told me you were back,”

“Hey Jake,” Luna hummed when she was released from a bear hug that Clarke was sure would break the girl.

“Pity you guys didn’t take the rest of the gang with you,” Jake continued speaking.

“Because you really want Raven and Octavia around old rich handsy guys and an open bar,” Lexa laughed out in response.

“Yeah. Not a good place for the mechanic wanting to make everything go boom and the skai ripper,” Aden added and Jake only laughed along with everyone else nodding his head to signal his agreement.

“Where’s mom at?” Clarke asked and watched as her dad nodded his head to his left. Clarke followed the movement and saw her mom talking to Lexa’s parents. Grabbing her girlfriend’s arm she led them over to their parents.

“Girls,” the three adults greeted them and Clarke grinned.

“Hey mom, dad, Abby,” Lexa acknowledged them.

“Did you guys get enough donations yet?” Clarke asked and listened as her mom launched into a retelling of the night’s events.

Maybe she should’ve phrased the question differently, like ‘sooo can we go?’ but unlucky for her she hadn’t and now she had to listen to her mom go on and on and Becca joining in every now and then. Lexa’s faced showed her obvious interest though and so Clarke smiled and patiently listened to them talk how Lincoln had gotten an old woman to donate over ten thousand dollars by promising to go flower shopping with her. Okay so that was funny and Clarke forgot that she had needed to go as she watched Lexa smile while listening to their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments even when they aren't all that happy with the direction of the story, thanks for sticking with and as I said, hit me up on Tumblr and let's chat cuz you're awesomesauce!!!!! @aleksagrey93


	10. My Intentions are Pure but My Heart May Be Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranya talk. Clarke and Lexa alone time.
> 
> This fic is winding down soon. I just don't feel the inspiration anymore I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you guys for reading. It’s awesome to feel a part of this. I can’t even explain how much you all do for me. Cheers!
> 
> My Tumblr is @aleksagrey93 btw.

**“The purest regret, no matter what, is thinking you didn't love enough.” ― Criss Jami, Healology**

 

  
“I’m sorry I was a blubbering mess, you shouldn’t have to deal with that,” Raven said getting up from her bed leaving Anya’s side.

“Raven please stop,”

Anya jumped up and stood barely a foot away from Raven. The brunette was shivering and Anya wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but she didn’t want to invade her personal space too much either considering the mood Raven was in.

“You’re allowed to feel what you feel Raven,” Anya said the words tentatively and watched Raven’s shoulders slump.

The brunette was obviously hurting and Anya was almost afraid she would say something wrong. It was easy to fuck up when you weren’t the one in the situation, and she didn’t want to mess up where Raven was concerned though.

For some reason the cocky self-assured red bomber jacket wearing genius drew her in like a moth to a flame. Anya figured it was the clashing of their personalities that caused her to like the girl or the fact that Raven had set her sights on her and was determined no matter how much Anya shrugged her off.

It was silly really Anya knew, her rejection of the brunette out loud when her body craved the girl’s hands on hers. She tried to quell her train of thought considering Raven was literally in one of the worst possible moods now, but her body was all for anything else but cooperating with her. Shit.

Anya stepped back and turned around attempting to make her way back to the safety of the bed away from Raven when she felt a hand on hers. It wasn’t firm, just a soft slightly there touch, but strong enough to keep her unmoving.

She turned around and saw pleading eyes as if clouded by a storm and what Anya thought could be desire, but then her horny mind could be playing tricks on her. After all Raven was going through something and didn’t need her can’t stop thinking about sex and having inappropriate thoughts self near her.

“Thank you,” Raven whispered out and Anya almost felt herself crumble to the floor.

The girl’s voice, raspy from crying, was doing things to her self-control and she knew if she didn’t put some space between them and remove the warmth of Raven’s hand from her arm that she probably would get kicked out.

She felt herself wanting to turn and lean into Raven. To take her smart mouth with that plump bottom lip and evenly placed top lip in hers and just devour the girl till her lips were bruised and pouty from kissing too much and Anya shivered at the thought.

She was a terrible friend and at that thought, she pulled away storming towards the door. If she wanted to have any semblance of a friendship or more so a relationship with Raven, she needed to get out of here before she did something she would regret.

“Don’t Anya, please,” Raven called after her and she paused with her hand on the door knob. God the girl was killing her.

“I ca—” Anya started and her voice broke and she cursed under her breath. She hadn’t realized with her back turned away from the brunette that Raven had walked up to her. There were arms encircling her waist and she tensed immediately and another string of curses whistled their way out of her lips.

“Don’t leave me please,” Raven said and her breath was hot on Anya’s ear and Anya had to remind herself that she wasn’t a general anymore. This was the ground, but it wasn’t an apocalypse and she couldn’t just take what she wanted, even if what she wanted was to be buried in Raven.

“You don’t know what you’re asking me Raven,” Anya warned thankful that she had found her voice. She wondered if it sounded as shaky as she felt but dared not ask.

“I want,” there was a pause and Anya felt Raven’s arms circle tighter, “I can’t be here alone,”

That was all it took to break Anya’s resolve and she changed their positions, swiftly pinning Raven to the door. Raven’s eyes were wide, her face turned up to stare at Anya with her lips slightly parted puffing out unsteady breaths.

Anya knew she shouldn’t, but the selfish grounder still present in her chest like a panther stalking its prey reared its head and before she could talk herself out of it she slanted her head pushing down and tenderly pressed her lips to Raven’s.

The contact was soft and a moan ripped its way out of Anya’s throat struck dead in its track when her tongue teased the seam of Raven’s lips and she tasted salt. For a second Anya was confused and held herself frozen touching Raven still pinned against the door. Why did Raven taste like salt water? It didn’t make any— shit!

Raven had been crying.

Raven had been crying because she was overwhelmed.

Raven had been crying because she was overwhelmed and she had shared that with Anya.

Raven had been crying because she was overwhelmed and she had shared that with Anya who was now taking advantage of the situation. Shit!

Anya backed up so fast she tripped over nothing at all and fell flat on her ass. She bit back the curse threatening its way out of her throat and didn’t dare look at Raven for fear of the disgust she would find in her eyes. She held her breath instinctively.

She didn’t have to wait long though before the brunette was dropping to her knees and gently lifting her chin. Their eyes locked and Anya felt like she had been punched in the gut. The softness in Raven’s eyes hit her far worse than the lust she had felt earlier and she whined at the feel of those strong fingers on her skin.

“Me too,” was all Raven said before dragging her from the floor.

She watched as the brunette toed off her shoes and unbuttoned her jeans kicking them away before doing the same to her and all she could do was stand there. She was frozen.

She allowed Raven to partially undress her. She allowed Raven to push her onto the bed. She allowed Raven to slide in beside her. She allowed Raven to wrap herself around her. She allowed herself to sink into the touch and that was her first controlled movement since the kiss.

She felt Raven’s warmth beside her as the girl reached for the covers and she sunk further into the body heat given willingly. She allowed Raven to entwine their fingers and then she was lost to the world.

 

 

//  
“Did you have fun tonight prisa?” Lexa asked as she felt Clarke snuggled into her back. She pressed further into the blonde’s front and smiled at the hands encircling her tighter.

“Mhm, you were very hot,” Clarke replied aching to bruise her lips against Lexa’s skin.

It’s not that they were still on bad terms, but their interaction since the ‘panic attack save your life kiss’ had been completely PG. Clarke felt herself becoming hot at just the thought of kissing Lexa and was glad that she didn’t have a penis because if she had, Lexa would definitely be alerted of her want.

“Lex,” Clarke nuzzled her nose against Lexa’s neck breathing deeply.

“Hmmm,” was the only reply Lexa could give because Clarke was directly behind her, lips ghosting over her neck and Clarke’s breasts were pressing into her back.

She turned to face Clarke and was greeted by half open eyes and whines at being dislodged from being the big spoon Lexa figured. She chuckled as she pulled her hand up to place on Clarke’s cheek. Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and the look of want present in them made Lexa gasp.

Lexa felt Clarke moving her hand and without realizing, her palm now rested half against Clarke’s left breast and the center of her chest. The jackhammer behind her palm was frightening and she lets out a shaky breath, her eyes immediately snapping up to Clarke’s. The lust she first saw was gone and the crystal sea she drowned in now makes her weak. Clarke makes her weak.

“This,” and Clarke waves her hand gesturing to her chest, “you make me sure I’m alive Lexa. I wish you knew how sorry I am for the shit that happened. I wish you could feel how just at the sound of your voice or the mention of your name my hearts beats faster as if it knows you are my home. You are it for me Lex. I love you so much. God I love you so much I would give up this beating heart if you asked, if it meant that you were okay. You have no idea how—”

Lexa pushed forward and claimed Clarke’s lips effectively cutting off whatever else the blonde had to say. Lexa groaned immediately at the contact and pushed again as Clarke greedily pressed her lips to hers and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth.

They were lying face to face and Lexa pulled Clarke closer to her; the need to imprint herself on the girl’s flesh was overpowering. She tasted like the cranberry she knows Clarke drank earlier and the mint toothpaste she had used before bed. Lexa felt her own heart sprinting and she grabbed Clarke’s hand easing away just enough to place Clarke’s hand over her chest as she returned hers to Clarke’s chest.

The beating of Clarke’s heart and the buzzing in her ears as she lost herself in Clarke’s warm mouth caused Lexa to moan. Their tongues slid effortlessly against each other’s and they both moaned from the warmth, the intimacy and the relief at finally tasting each other again.

Lexa was glad they were already lying down for she felt woozy and as if she was spiraling downwards. She was sure her legs would collapse if they had been standing. She lost herself in the invitation Clarke’s mouth presented and reveled in Clarke’s fingers pinching into the flesh at her hip.

Lexa pulled back shifting her head and dived right back in. They invaded each other’s mouth again, flicking their tongues against teeth, the roof of each other’s mouth and then Clarke sucked on Lexa’s tongue causing her to buck her hips into Clarke’s pelvis. Lexa squeezed Clarke’s breast reflexively with the hand that was supposed to be feeling Clarke’s heartbeat and when Clarke moaned deep and low in her throat Lexa massaged further.

Clarke’s thigh slipped between her legs and her body automatically grinded against it seeking friction for the wetness growing at her center. Lexa let her fingers roll Clarke’s hardened nipple between them and she felt the air get knocked out of her when Clarke pushed her back and straddled her.

Lexa whined at the loss of contact from Clarke’s thigh before feeling Clarke roll her hips and their centers pressed together. The action took her off guard and she knew she had bitten Clarke’s lip too hard when she tasted the coppery-rust liquid against her own lips. Clarke was moaning though and Lexa had to stop herself from repeating the action.

Clarke lifted her head and Lexa found herself chasing after those plump and now very much bruised lips. Her hands reached out, but Clarke held them instead, effectively pinning them over her head and Lexa growled unexpectedly and she saw Clarke’s eyes darken and the blonde rolled her hips once more grinding their centers together again and Lexa hated that they were in so many clothes. Her thoughts were only how to get them naked when she heard Clarke say something.

“Huh?” she asked, trying to shake her head clear of these sex induced thoughts to make out the words.

“We can’t,” Clarke said rolling off Lexa and Lexa tried to stop the motion, but her hands were still effectively trapped over her head.

“Clarke… please,” the whine left her lips more like begging but she couldn’t help it.

“My parents babe,” Clarke said again staring at her and Lexa sighed nodding her head in understanding.

She felt Clarke release her hands but she didn’t move them. It wasn’t that they hadn’t had sex in the house before, but Lexa knew that now would be an awful time to continue this. With the way they were worked up and considering it had been weeks, Lexa knew that not even she would be able to keep quiet.

Lexa sighed and turned once more on her side. Clarke was looking at her and she smiled before placing a soft kiss to her lips and turned once more so she was facing away from Clarke in order to allow Clarke to hold her once more. They would sleep tonight instead she figured and that was okay.


	11. Don’t Let Emotions Stop You Now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected people show up and things gon’ get turnt up or more like turnt on their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short thing really.

**“It is strange how new and unexpected conditions bring out unguessed ability to meet them.”**

**― Edgar Rice Burroughs, The Warlord of Mars**

 

 

The smell of breakfast wafted up the stairs and Clarke dislodged from Lexa. It was easy to leave the brunette who was always awake at the ass crack of dawn to sleep in. Clarke made her way down the stairs and was stunned when she saw Luna and Aden exiting his bedroom together.

 

She had thought her mom wouldn't have allowed them to sleep together, but that was kind of hypocritical of her considering she had shared a room with Lexa and practically lived with her. Still though, Abby tended to be a stickler for such boy and girl regimens, although with a bisexual daughter boundaries were flung out the door.

 

Aden grunted at her and Luna smiled sleepily. Clarke allowed them to go down before her and was happy Aden had found back his person. It was pure coincidence that they'd all found each other again and their circle seemed stronger because of it.

 

Octavia had Indra and Clarke wondered if Octavia having been the second meant she’d be a bottom. Raven was hounding Anya and Clarke was sure the blonde would soon give in. Monty and Jasper were still alone for the most part and Clarke hoped Maya had come back too, for she couldn't deal with angry depressed Jasper again. What was funny was how Bellamy and Costia had found each other and she almost blushed at the thought of Bellamy sticking it to the Commander’s first love.

 

“Morning hunnie,” Clarke heard her dad greet her and she hadn't even realized she had made it downstairs yet. 

 

“Hey dad. Slept ok?” she asked walking over to place a kiss on his cheek.

 

“Once Aden hasn’t made any babies, I slept amazing!” Jake quipped and Clarke stifled her laughter.

 

Aden groaned out a daaaaaaddddd and Luna buried her head in his shoulder. They definitely weren't the traditional family. Clarke heard a scream come from up the stairs and then laughter. When she got back to the living room she saw her mom flung over Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa walked past her grinning and deposited Abby on a stool at the counter. They all turned to face the pair with amused expressions.

 

“What’s going on there?” Luna broke the silence.

 

“Well Abby here was thanking me for taking care of Clarke and I was like anytime,” Lexa said.

 

Clarke looked at them puzzled, but it was Aden that spoke up, “That doesn't explain the trying to kill my mom though Heda,”

 

“Oh well yeah I promised my services to take care of her too if Jake, and don’t die on me now, kicked the bucket before she did,” Lexa responded with a smirk.

 

“I slapped her arm telling her to behave and she got a glint in her eye before grabbing me and well you know the rest,” Abby finished.

 

“Should I be worried?” both Clarke and Jake said at the same time, and the kitchen erupted in raucous laughter. Clarke and Jake laughed too, but with raised eyebrows and Lexa only smirked at Clarke.

 

“Lexa is quite a gentlewoman Jake, I’d be in good hands,” Abby replied and the room shook with laughter again.

 

That's how breakfast went, innocent teasing, the scent of toast, waffles, sausages and eggs filling the room. It was easy for them to just be. Yes they were with parents, but they were also three couples and it was unorthodox, but it worked, for the line was never forgotten.

 

 

//  
Lexa stopped by her parents on the way back to Polis and they spent about an hour there. Clarke was engaged with Becca listening to her mom tell her about the benefits of being in business. Aden and Luna were ambushing Lincoln and forcing him to teach them some MMA moves. It was all in all a good day.

 

The drive back was fun with Clarke belting out to whatever random song came on the radio and Lexa just smiled at her from time to time. Aden kept trying to race with her, but it was easy to overtake him when the road was free. It was a slow Sunday and Lexa’s GPS told her they would get to the apartment in less than half hour then she pressed the button on her steering wheel to pick up the call coming from Aden.

 

“Clarke can I keep the van for tonight?” Aden’s voice echoed in the car.

 

“Hello to you too Aden,” Lexa piped in.

 

“Hey Heda. Seriously though Clarke?” Aden asked again.

 

“Yeah A, sure,” Clarke finally joined in and the audible sigh of relief from Aden on the other end was hilarious.

 

“Thanks guys,” Luna volunteered and then the call clicked out.

 

“Think they’re going to have sex in the van?” Lexa asked angling her head to Clarke but keeping her eyes on the road.

 

“It wouldn’t be the first,” Clarke responded.

 

She chuckled remembering her mom red faced and Aden running into the house pulling up his boxers. The girl, Clarke can’t remember her name, had just hopped out of the bed of the van naked as the day she was born slowly put on her clothes and had winked at a gaping Clarke.

 

They pulled into their street and immediately Clarke saw two police vehicles. There weren’t many houses on that particular street, in fact in all it was four. There was a dead end at the end of the street and their apartment was the last house where the police cars were parked in front of.

 

Lexa parked quickly on the curb unable to go into the driveway because of the police cars and she jumped out of the car just as Clarke did. Before they could take any step forward a tall strapping woman dressed in police gear stopped them.

 

“This is our house,” Clarke almost shouted, lowering her voice at the last minute when the woman side-eyed her with a painful glare.

 

“There’s been a break in. The officers inside are trying to detain the suspect now,” the woman replied, voice clipped and serious.

 

Before Clarke could say anything else, Lexa pulled her back and they waited for the police inside to exit. Lexa could hear shouting, and one of the voices talking to the person shouting sounded familiar to her, but she couldn’t be sure.

 

Clarke heard the shouting as she stood beside Lexa almost sinking into the brunette’s side and she felt the color drain from her face.

 

“Where is she!”

 

“Take me to her!”

 

“Where the hell is Clarke!”

 

The sound was indistinct and almost nondescript, but the words he was shouting and the voice— a voice Clarke hadn’t heard in over a year and even before that never really angry. Clarke felt nauseous and almost faint. She gripped tightly to Lexa and saw Lexa watching her with wide concerned eyes, but she couldn’t speak.

 

Finn was inside their home.

 

Finn was here.


	12. Murphy's Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not the end you guys envisioned, but I really don't feel the motivation to write this fic anymore. The momentum has passed and so I apologize in advance for its mediocrity if I'm honest. Clexa is really big and I was glad to be apart of it, but honestly I'm too sad now. Too much feels to adequately and effectively dole out a good story line. So this is the ending. I hope it gives you the closure needed for this series. 
> 
> My other fics are not so angsty maybe because none of those characters were killed idk what causes it, but whenever I think Clexa I have to force myself not to think how the 100 was so unappreciative of how she developed as a character and how important she was to growth of Clarke as a leader and even how Clarke helped her think more as a person and feel because love is not weakness.
> 
> Thanks for staying with me those of you who did.  
> I love you all.  
> May we meet again.

****

**In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground... May we meet again.**

 

Lexa watched as Clarke looked like a deer caught in headlights. The voices were getting closer and Lexa tried to figure out why one in particular sounded so familiar. When two bodies breached their front door, Lexa looked up to see Finn in cuffs and the anger that ripped through her came out as a growl and she felt Clarke grip her more tightly.

She never got the chance to kill Finn before and the feeling was boiling in her now. She tried to move forward and was stopped by pleading blue eyes and Clarke’s slender fingers gripping her forearm. Clarke wasn’t looking, but Lexa knew that Clarke was aware that it was Finn. Lexa could only nod and watch.

The officer that led Finn away to the car kept his head down even though the dude kept wrestling against him. Lexa wished for just one minute with him and god she would make him pray that he had never met Clarke.

Like seriously, how the fuck could you kill innocent people, kids for crying out loud, for love or not. Lexa was furious and it took all her will power to remain by Clarke’s side. When Costia had died and even after knowing for a fact who had done it Lexa only sought revenge on that one person not the entire Ice Nation.

When the final officer came out of their house and Lexa started pulling Clarke forward after ensuring Finn was securely in the back of the police car Lexa stopped dead in her tracks when she realized now why the voice was familiar.

 

Clarke ran directly into Lexa’s back. Had Finn been removed from the car? Was he being let go is why Lexa stopped? Clarke rubbed her arm and looked over Lexa’s shoulder to see that Finn was still in the car. The officers were leaving so why the hell was Lexa so shocked and unmoving? Looking back to the door, she followed Lexa’s line of sight and okay yeah she got it and the minute their eyes made contact, Clarke saw his light up and she couldn’t help the smile that split her face in half.

“Sky girl!” Roan boomed grinning and making his way over to Clarke and Lexa.

“Hey Roan,” Clarke replied and moved past Lexa to embrace Roan.

She didn’t expect him to lift her up and hug her so tightly. She didn’t expect Lexa to basically attack them. She didn’t expect the dark sound she heard rippling from Lexa’s chest. She didn’t expect all the officers to come rushing back over.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Lexa growled and Roan only smirked holding up his hands as he sat planted on the ground. His colleagues were behind him waiting for his command to help if he needed it. Okay so that wasn’t a response he had expected from Lexa, but then again he should have known.

“Chil au Leksa!” Roan snapped at her jumping to his feet and motioning his colleagues to back off.

Clarke watched them size each other up. Lexa had positioned her body in front of Clarke’s and Roan looked fierce as hell.

“Lexa!” Clarke beckoned to her and saw Lexa pause, but she didn’t step back.

“Lexa stop,” Clarke tried again stepping closer to her girlfriend. She didn’t touch Lexa. It wasn’t that she feared Lexa would hurt her, but she understood the need Lexa felt to protect her and she understood Lexa needing to stake her claim especially with Finn here.

“ai hod yu in,” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s language and she saw Lexa exhale till her shoulders slumped.

Lexa turned around and Clarke wrapped her arms tightly around her. The brunette’s chest was heaving but there were no tears and Clarke just held her watching Roan watch them.

“I’ll tell Anya I saw you guys finally. Sorry Heda,” Roan said before walking away and making his way back to the police car.

“We’ll let you guys know what happens to asshole over there,” Roan added.

Clarke’s eyes followed Roan and watched him get in the vehicle and pull off the curb. When she looked at the other police car, she saw big brown eyes watching her and Finn’s sad smile.

 

//  
“ _Shit_ ” Octavia hissed as she pulled away from Indra. The girl chased her lips and Octavia smiled.

“We should stop,” Octavia whispered placing her hands on Indra’s shoulders to stop her from coming closer.

“Or we could just…not,” Indra said leaning in again and Octavia sighed as she allowed her lips to be captured.

She wanted to take things slow, but her body wouldn’t cooperate. It was like she was high being around Indra. Her skin was always flushed, her breaths ached to be stolen and she always pressed closer to the darker girl craving any form of touch.

This instance was no different. She had a test tomorrow that she hadn’t finished studying for, but Indra was intoxicating and her fingers were heating up the patch of skin where they had settled and Octavia couldn’t think straight. She felt Indra pulling away and groaned out loud.

“Hey Roan,” Indra said answering her phone and Octavia sobered her ‘horny self’ up quickly at the name.

She watched Indra’s face contort and become unreadable and Octavia figured something was up. There was a flash of worry before Indra sighed and hung up.

“What is it?” Octavia asked waiting for Indra to open her eyes and stop trying to rub her brain from her skull.

“We gotta go see Lexa and Clarke. Finn broke into their house,” Indra replied and Octavia didn’t need to be told anything else before she was fixing her shirt and they were dragging each other out of the house.

 

//  
“I will kill that boy,”

“I wish Alie was still here,”

“What about Clarke how is she?”

“Lexa answer us!”

“If you guys would give me a chance I could mom” Lexa sighed into the phone. Her parents were feeling murderous and impatient apparently.

“You do know current Alie, my godmother, and post-apocalyptic City of Lights Alie were different right Mom?” Lexa asked.

“Well whatever. She would have gotten the job done,” Becca retorted and Lexa tried not to laugh.

“And Clarke?” Lincoln asked. Lexa could hear the worry in his voice and though she had not wanted to stress her parents with the news of Finn’s return she knew she had had to.

“She is fine so far. She’s talking to Abby and Jake now,” Lexa replied and looked over to the couch where Clarke was sitting head hung between her knees rattling off something to her parents.

“Guys, I’ll update you later. I gotta go check on her,” Lexa said pleading with her parents in her voice to understand and stop grilling her.

Thankfully they got the point and she flung her phone onto the bed and stalked towards Clarke. Lexa sat on the couch and pulled Clarke’s body into hers. Clarke didn’t look at her, but she felt the girl’s shoulders slump suggesting she was okay with the movement.

“No I didn’t talk to him,”

“No Lexa didn’t punch him,”

“Yes she wanted to,”

“Roan says he will update us mom,”

“You don’t need to come out here dad,”

“Aden deserves to enjoy his day guys,”

“Please don’t call him,”

“Fine I will you back later,”

Clarke sighed and dropped the phone onto the rug. The back and forth questions from her parents was draining. The day itself that had started off so great had been flung so off course by Finn’s appearance and she was unsure how she was supposed to feel.

She felt Lexa’s arms tighten around her and she knew her girlfriend was waiting on her to say something, but honestly after that speaker phone call, having to prevent Lexa from killing Roan and seeing the wistful look in Finn’s eyes she just wanted to sleep and not think about this day ever again.

She was kind of glad Aden hadn’t been with them because that fight she couldn’t have prevented and she doubted Luna would have tried. Luna was just as fiery as Lexa and with Aden out for blood on Finn, Luna would definitely had joined in. She would tell him later, but for right now, he deserved whatever plans he and Luna were having.

Before Clarke could settle into drifting off to sleep there was a knock on the door and she groaned loudly. Lexa chuckled at Clarke’s irritation and kissed her forehead before she moved to go see who it was. When Lexa opened the door to the worried faces of Anya, Octavia, Raven, Indra and Bellamy she couldn’t help but smiling.

They weren’t alone in this. Their friends, no their family, was here when their parents couldn’t be.

Things would be okay.

Finn was going to jail for sure.

The way Anya held onto Raven suggested they figured things out.

She knew from Indra that she and Octavia were a thing and she was happy, especially for Octavia regarding the whole Lincoln was her dad thing.

And Bellamy, he was muttering about the minute Costia leaving things turning to shit and how he was left with too many girls, and she could only laugh at his joking annoyance.

They poured into the house and it felt full and warm and safe, just as Aden called saying he was on his way back because Becca called Luna’s phone threatening them to ensure Lexa and Clarke were okay or they would never have children. Lexa was sure that was the part that had scared Aden.

Things were okay.

She was loved.

Clarke loved her.

Her family loved her.

Jake and Abby loved her.

Her friends loved her.

She had a support system.

She wasn’t the only one who remembered because now everyone was by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Did I do it justice? Talk to me......Puhlease!  
> Comments! Kudos!
> 
> I really love this Fandom!


End file.
